After being married for 29 years, we realized there were still so many things that we didn’t know about each other. My husband didn’t know me yet too well, and there were things about him that also surprised me. I am referring mostly to ugali. Our individual views and perception of things.
Edmund and I both have strong personalities. The good thing is we never tried to rule over each other at least at home. He is King, I am Queen.
He is an alpha-male, but I do not consider myself as an alpha-female. I bend when necessary and I have no trouble accepting my faults. Extremes din ako, dahil ako yung would die defending myself from something very petty.
Being strong is certainly an asset. However, in a relationship, it could be a deterrent to an open discussion of problems.
We spent many years together strumming along. Years of togetherness in peaceful harmony doesn’t mean everything is fine. Because of pride and differences in perception of things, we allowed one key ingredient in marriage to slide down a little bit. Communication.
Last week, we spent 4 hours and a half colliding head-on with some gray issues. My kids tiptoed around our bedroom ready to break the fight if necessary. But we didn’t fight. We discussed. We both agreed that we should make 8 adjustments in the way we deal with certain things. Here they are:
1. Mornings—- One will never leave the bedroom without kissing the other one. If one is still asleep (that’s me), kiss need not be on the face so as not to disturb sleep. Kahit sa tuhod, pwede na rin.
2. Every night—-, we would follow what’s on the wall.
3. In cases of disputes, no matter how petty or grave, we will not go to bed without discussing it, understanding and settling the issue right away.
We unanimously agreed on the first 3.
4. is still subject to revision
If the mistake is so grave and one couldn’t forgive or understand right away, the other person would be given a few days and two more chances to explain. If the mistake is unforgivable, we will separate in a peaceful manner.
5. No one is allowed to use the cellphone while we’re dining together. He came up with a suggestion that he would leave his phone in the car. I will bring my phone in case my children need to reach us. The new technologies keep people connected with the world, however, we are forgetting to connect to the very people that’s most important in our lives. Getting addicted to Facebook occupies a lot of time otherwise spent listening to your family’s conversation and stories while dining together.
6. We will sleep together, meaning, we will try to synchronize our bedtimes. In the past, Edmund would sleep right after he laid his back on the bed. That would be around 10 pm or even earlier. Too early for me. Me naman, I would go to bed way past midnight. The past few nights, I couldn’t blog because I stayed beside him. The other night, I went to bed at 10:30 pm. Tapos I woke up, kala ko umaga na, nagising din sya, he asked me “Tart, anon’g oras na?” “I don’t know”. He searched for the tv’s remote, binuksan nya sa CNN, “12:30 lang pala!”
Now I know why he always complains of having intermittent sleep, at ang aga nyang magising, 3 am, 4, 5 am. Kasi ang aga rin nyang matulog.
Mahirap magising in the middle of the night. What would we do? Watch CNN. Go down to the kitchen, look for something to drink, tapos look for something to eat. Dabiana ang labas ko.
Poor people naman, they engage in some calisthenics kaya hayun every 9 months nanganganak. Population explosion.
Kami naman, maybe we can also engage in some midnight and bukang-liwayway activities. Pero sobra ng dami kaming mga tuta. Ipinamigay na nga yung lima the other day. Dog population explosion.
7. Limit interaction with individuals that get into my nerves. If we couldn’t avoid it, we agreed to try to ignore situation, and again, not let it affect our relationship.
8. Acceptance that there will always be conflict. When it happens again, we know what to do and how to react. And again, not to let it affect our relationship.
