I’ve been asked for advice by a long time reader of Oh My Buhay.
It’s an honor to be trusted and for someone to think that my perspective may be helpful.
Instead of replying privately, I decided to publish my response here, with the hope that it may also help others who might be going through something similar.
In the absence of any further details about their relationship, I’ll simply share with my readers my personal views on situations like these. I’m not trying to influence anyone. This is just me. Eto ako.
If it were me, I would just do the same thing my boyfriend is doing— ignore him, put him in my back burner, and go on with my life— without him as the lead actor in it.
I did experience a great deal of rejection growing up. NOT from boys.
To understand my perspective is to understand my background.
As a young girl, I often felt unwanted, unloved, and unimportant. I’ve been bullied, insulted, mocked, laughed at — by neighbors, teachers, classmates, strangers. I was always the center of attraction for the wrong reasons.
My dear mother never failed to remind me that she regretted having me. She would say she wished she could put me back in her tummy or exchange me for a better daughter. I was never enough. I was never good enough.
Both my parents were deeply devoted to our family. They worked tirelessly to give us a good education and to put food on the table. They were also very conservative and strict disciplinarians. I used to joke that my mother was kapatid ni Hitler at pinsan ni Maria Clara.
Parents today shower their children with so much attention and so many material things.
Children nowadays not only receive an abundance of love, but are also surrounded by an abundance of possessions.
Parents today often give their children small daily rewards to encourage good behavior or simply to get them to follow instructions.
“Take a nap, and later I’ll buy you a toy.”
How lucky today’s generation is. They are loved, pampered, and, in many cases, spoiled.
In my case, if I refused to eat, my mom would pukpok my forehead with a fork. Syempre kakain na ako through tears, hikbi, and sobs.
Back then, if you didn’t eat, the attitude was, “Bahala ka sa buhay mo. Mamatay ka sa gutom.”
Nasanay ako nag-iisa. That’s why I grew up quiet, aloof, distant, and cold. If one ignores me, how the hell I care. I don’t give a damn.
To understand my attitude and character is to understand my background. How I grew up. How this girl had been treated by life itself.
Sa mga slum books, one popular question was “What is your motto?” Other girls have fantastic answers. Me? What motto? “Kung ayaw mo sa akin, ayaw ko din sa’yo”. If you don’t like me, I don’t like you either.
My approach to rejection was one of resignation and acceptance. Kung ayaw mo, huwag mo.
Now you understand where I’m coming from.
So if you’re asking for my advice, here it is: If your boyfriend ignores you, then let him be. Ignore him, too.
Don’t chase someone who is making you feel unwanted. Live your life. If he wants to be part of it, he knows where to find you. If he doesn’t, you’ve already begun moving forward.
Kung ayaw nya sa’yo, ayaw mo rin sa kanya.
