French Kissing

I waited for two hours yesterday afternoon at the OB-GYNE clinic. Aside from tinkering with my Ipad, Iphone, interviewing the other patients on why they’re there too, I read a short article in an old publication sitting in the doctor’s clinic. It’s about French Kissing. You would think that something like this wouldn’t be included in the concerns of medical profession. It is.

Well, the article said that kissing triggers many neurons in a human’s body.
Human only? How about the ipiseses in our home, they also kiss. Kaya nga they are fast multiplying. Not French, but cockroach-kiss or cockkiss for short.

There’s no specific guidelines on French kissing. I personally think effects vary depending on circumstances. Age, gender, location, education, exposure, experience, etc. There are so many factors that surround this seemingly temperature-rising indulgence.

Doctor’s cannot just advise couples to actively kiss each other. It should be on a case to case basis.

1. Intertwining tongues is a romantic activity for young couples. Those who’ve been dating for two and a half-days. Those who are so in-love and are still starry eyed. Those who have been married for 28 days.

If you are within the above range, then French kissing would be a good exercise as it would wake-up all the nerves in your body. You will begin to perspire, kaya ang tawag “hot na hot”. Your hands perspire too. You melt and forget your surroundings and couldn’t even think straight. YAP, BOTH your eyes are closed and your arms are nakapulupot sa iyong ka-tongue-twister.

2. If you are 50 and above, French kiss may not apply to you. No more “hot na hot”. Tongues are no longer involved. Smack only. But remember to be gentle. Minsan ang lakas ng smack ang sakit sa labi. Makabungi pa yan. Hanggang lips to lips na lang with mouth closed. If you’ve been married for a long time, an open mouth kissing may not be the right Friday night romance for you. Reserve it for mouth to mouth resuscitation. Mainam pa attend the first friday mass na lang.

From hot na hot, it’s now cold na cold. Naglalamig ang kamay. “Tila may pasmang urong ka”. Bakit nanlalamig ka? Hinaan mo ang aircon”.
The desire has diminished by 98%. While kissing, your mind is into so many family and business concerns. Wala na ang focus. In #1, young couples melt in each other’s arms and forget the world while they’re kissing each other. When you’re 50, aware na aware ka of what’s happening around you. Stress ka pa rin. You don’t forget your worries. The two of you are more systematic, scientific and analytic. “Magki-kiss ba tayo? Nag toothbrush ka na? Meron akong Bactidol dyan. Nakapunta ka ba sa dentista mo kahapon? Ha? Ang mahal pa namang magpa root canal”.

The article said neurons will travel up and down your spine. Pag 50, wala ng neurons. Nerbyos meron.

3. Old couples (long time married) no longer close their eyes while kissing.
They close and open their eyes in synch. Syempre they’ve been married for decades, they already know each other very well, body language and all.
You wouldn’t want to be caught with eyes closed.
“Mumulat ka na”. “Ha finished na ba?” “Sorry kala ko you are still kissing me”.

4. If you are 65 and above, kiss as much as you can to keep the LUST alive in your marriage but keep your eyes open the whole time. Don’t blink. You have to be alert to check if your partner hasn’t fallen asleep. If he starts snoring, then you know you are boring.

5. Old couples are happy together without the need for tongue scrimmages. They are past the wisdom stage. They are more practical. They know what is best for them. They take care of their health. They truly care for each other.

They’ve been there, done that. They have found a way to keep the romance burning while keeping alive. They don’t do French kiss or else they will lose oxygen. Instead of locking their lips which could be fatal, every night they put their postiso together in one container with hot water (hot na hot) and they keep them locked the whole night. Bahala na what they want to do the rest of the night, bite each other or chatter together. That’s what an enduring love and lust are all about.

6. French kissing is no longer advisable to those in the upper segment of the age bracket. It’s too dangerous an activity. Young couples can hold their breaths without dying while kissing. Super Seniors cannot do that anymore. Baka mangitim at bumulagta na lang bigla. From romance to eternity.