Condolence: What NOT to say to grieving families

I am one person who doesn’t have any prepared condolence message. I admire those sending their message of sympathy on Facebook. Ang gagaling nila. Could it be that they have prepared messages or they copied them from somewhere?

Lately several people personally known to me had passed away. I ran out of things to write on the condolence cards.

At the wake or funeral, I couldn’t help but overheard some people saying things that were out of this world and a few times I opened my mouth in disbelief and disgust.

We have to think first what we should say to the grieving families. We are there to offer our condolences and sympathies and not to hurt their feelings or antagonize them. I think a simple “nakikiramay po” is better.

These are some of the most common comments or pakikiramay that I’ve personally heard from people.

Consider this as the list of WHAT NOT TO SAY to grieving families:

1. Yan ang kagustuhan ni Lord.
2. Mag thank you tayo kay Lord, kasi patay na sya.
3. Baka nakulam. Dapat hindi nyo dinala sa doktor.
4. Hanggang dyan na lang talaga ang buhay nya.
5. Desisyon nyan ni Lord.
6. Araw na nya talaga ngayon.
7. Dapat nga magpasalamat kayo kasi wala na syang sakit, patay na sya. Wala na rin kayong gastos.
8. Kahit anong gawin nyo, katapusan na nya talaga, kaya tanggapin nyo na lang.
9. Magkikita na sila ng mga magulang nya sa langit. Dapat masaya ka para sa kanya.
10. Nalulungkot ka ba? Hamo malapit na rin kayong magkita, may edad ka na rin, ilang taon ka na ba?
11. Maging grateful ka kasi dead na sya. Wala na syang hirap.
12. 92 na pala tatay mo, pwede na sya talagang mamatay.
13. Kanino ka kumuha ng package? Libre dun embalsamo.
14. Mag-asawa ka agad para maka-move on ka.
15. Matanda na naman sya, pwede nang mamatay.
16. May edad na sya, sobra sobra na, dapat lang mamatay na.
17. Wala na ang mister mo, kailan ka kaya susunod?
18. Bigla pala ang pagkamatay ng misis mo. Sana nagsex muna pala kayo kung nalaman mo lang.
19. Masarap ma-byuda, wala ka ng kaagaw sa pera.
20. Mag-ingat ka baka ikaw ang sumunod dahil masyado kayong close mag-asawa. Baka sunduin ka agad para may kasama sya sa heaven.