When Derrick met with Edmund and I at the Japanese restaurant asking for our permission to marry Oyen, I didn’t say much because we were in a public place. The next morning I messaged him and requested for a short meeting with him in the presence of his parents. They wanted to come to our house but I preferred to go to their house instead. I was rushing and extremely on the go because I was flying to UK the next morning. I thought if I would be the one to go to their house, I will have better control of my time and I could limit it to 15 or 30 minutes. My mistake, I stayed there for more than an hour, maybe for almost two hours. Inabala ko sila. I came to deliver my conditions. I wanted the parents to be present to avoid any misunderstanding or misconception. I wanted to be able to answer any clarification.
My conditions are not about Derrick. These are things that are important to me and my kids have heard of these dozens of times beginning when they were still in high school. Repeated occasionally when they were in college, and spoken openly and casually over dinner or lunch. Even before Oyen had met Derrick, she already knew these things.
What are these?
1. She will not reside in her in-law’s house. Even if she’s mabait and her in-laws are mabait, there will always be some conflict that will arise no matter how nice they are to each other. To avoid this, we bar our daughter from living with her in-laws. Edmund said he will never speak to her again if she goes to live with her in-laws. Me, I will speak to her but I would be very sad and disappointed. I would be aloof. We don’t mind if she and her husband choose to live with us.
2. There are a lot of men who go over the credit card bills of their wives and ask questions about what they purchased. There are men who audit their wive’s spending. I requested that he doesn’t do this. My daughter knows how to balance her spending. She works very hard and I want her to have the liberty to buy things she wants. As long as her spending doesn’t affect them financially. He was very respectful and understood what I was saying. I told him if Oyen wants to buy plates, don’t stop her. Derrick’s father laughed.
When my daughter started dating him, I just continued praying that God be the one to choose a husband for my daughter. If Derrick is the one then so be it. If he is not the one, then God gives her someone who would love and adore her and be her true partner in life. Someone truly deserving of her love.
I guess God has spoken (and chosen), he is the one.
so true, reminds me of what I heard before by a Christian pastor/minister – “to leave and cleave” – which is for married couples to live on their own. By the way, am just wondering, this applies to your son as well? That when your son marries, you will prefer him and your new daughter-in-law to live on their own, too, instead of with you and your hubby.
Hi Olivia,
Men are more adaptable to living with in-laws,. Men in general, don’t pay too much attention to their surroundings. As long as they’re comfortable, they thrive.
With Derrick, I don’t mind if he lives with us. We’re always away anyway. It would only be him and Oyen most of the time.
However, with Nyke, I would rather that he and his wife have their own place. I will not allow him to live with his in-laws most especially if there are other people living in the same house too, other than the parents.
I also cannot imagine him living with other people. I don’t know. I need a lot of convincing. I think I am going to be upset.
My son and his wife living with me and Edmund?
If they cannot afford yet to get their own place yes, but I would rather that they have their own house. No matter what I do to make the girl comfortable living with us, I think baka mahihiya sya kumilos sa loob ng bahay namin. It’s better that they will have their own domain.