Bouts of Sadness

I have occasional bouts of sadness. Sometimes I pity my daughter because when it’s happening, she has to sit and listen to her mother cry her heart out. She gets confused at times because she sees my weakness.
She’s known me as a very strong woman. A fighter. And then one day there’s this woman crying buckets of tears like a little girl in front of her. Then our roles are reversed. She does her best to remind me how strong I am. Sometimes she runs out of things to say to make me feel good.

When she was little, she would notice my teary eyes and would tell me “mommy you look like you’re about to cry.” It was easier then to give an excuse. “Something is wrong with my eyes”.

She hit the nail right on the head when she told me a few days ago that I have a lot of baggage. Yes that is very true. All that I am is a result of everything that I carried through with me ever since I was small. I am the summation of more than half a century of life experiences, big and small, happy and sad. She was also right in saying that I kept all my aches in me. I should’ve let them out when they happened, as they happened. She asked me to change that by being more expressive of my thoughts and feelings.

In one of our Psychology classes, our college professor said sometimes our experiences get buried in our subconsciousness for decades. And then one day, it would just resurface in our consciousness level and wham, a lot of varied feelings would hit our emotions. And depending on how we handle this, it could imbalance us.

This is what’s happening to me. All of a sudden I would remember things and start crying.

Wisdom doesn’t always come with age. My daughter is young and yet she knows. When there’s something that bothers me, I should let it out right away. It gets worst when I bury it deep inside me.