His brother was shot dead

(Share your Buhay Episode)

Last week, I met someone considerably successful in his new business venture and yet he looked so unhappy.
While he was making kwento his accomplishments, there was some profound sadness that I could sense from his aura. While he was talking, I was having some goose pimples, it was like something was crying. I bravely asked him “I hope you don’t mind, may I ask you a personal question?” Before he could even say yes, I told him I could feel his sadness, parang there’s something bothering him. His eyes looked so sad. He said “stress lang ako”.
Ako naman medyo atrivida, hirit ko pa “No, you’re not stressed”. He said he’s just tired. Hirit uli ako kasi alam ko he’s hiding some deep emotions.
OMB—- “How can you get tired here eh, relax lang. He said “Siguro kasi kagigising ko lang”.
I didn’t want to push it so I just complimented his project. But I really could sense he’s bothered. He’s like a leaf floating in the air. Parang he lost his ground.
OMB—–“Your eyes, you look like on the verge of crying, are you sick? Are you okay?” He asked me to sit down, then he opened up to me “I am depressed”.
He looked so beaten and weary. I could feel his inner trouble. Ewan kahit we were total strangers, his sadness was screaming to me. Before I knew it, I’ve spent more than an hour sitting with him. I was supposed to go and see two more people but my time was eaten up. But I didn’t mind. And what were the chances of something like this happening? Was this a mere conincidence? Did God put me in this time and place for this purpose?

He didn’t even have to describe what he’s going through, for some strange reason, I just knew. Maybe because I had been depressed many times before so I have become an expert of some sorts.
When a person is deeply depressed, kahit anong sabihin mo walang epek yan. The sadness and lost of reason to live a happy life overshadow his mind.
It’s been several years since his eldest sibling died. He was an engineer working in a project site outside of Manila. After their work for the week, he and his workmates had a drink too many. Always happens. Mag-iinuman tapos magkaka-initan. Bang! His companion pumped bullets in his head and body. He died instantly.
He hasn’t moved on. He couldn’t. He misses his brother so much. He couldn’t accept why his Kuya was taken away from them so suddenly and without reason. A senseless act that’s unjust and cruel. His Kuya was his rock, his confidante and he also stood as the padre de familia to them. His kuya was his mentor and number one fan of his accomplishments. He just loved him dearly.
After his brother’s death, he fell into a deep depression. It’s been 3 years and he is still grieving.

He asked me if I believe in paranormal, spirits, butterflies.
Yes I do.

I fell into a deep depression after my father died. Although we all expected he would soon go, no preparation is ever enough when it comes to losing a loved one.
I’ve been depressed many times before and for different reasons. Since his situation was triggered by the death of his brother, I told him about how I got out of my depression a year after my father died. (Related story- Caleruega)

It was a long conversation. I gave him some advice which I was confident would help him a little. I also told him he alone could help himself. His family, no matter how much they love and care about him, could get tired dealing with his sadness. His wife could soon get tired and may not understand why he couldn’t move on. Baka bumitaw. True enough he told me medyo nga parang gusto na ring mapagod nung wife nya. Syempre kasi people get married to be happy. Although problems occur once in a while during your life as a couple, but they cannot live with someone unhappy forever. Same with Edmund. After I got seriously ill, he didn’t even want to come home anymore kung pwede lang, kasi syempre malungkot ang bahay namin. I was in bed, amoy Vicks, amoy white flower. The house was gloomy. If it were that easy to leave me, I am sure he would have done that.

I advised him to go out, visit a church or a chapel. Not when there’s a mass. Pag walang gaanong tao. Just go and sit there. No need to recite long prayers kasi maiiyak ka lang and your emotions would drain you. God knows everything about us, kasuluk-sulukan ng puso natin. He knows what makes us happy and what’s troubling us. Just say “Lord please take care of me. Bahala ka na sa akin.” Just sit and do not think of anything. Watch other people, stare blankly. Just rest your mind.

Depressed people think of dying. He told me minsan he wished sana ma-holdup daw sya at mabaril para matapos na his suffering.
Don’t think of dying. Kasi kawawa naman yung mga maiiwan who also love you dearly. They would be the one naman who would be depressed and that would mean you inflicted the same unbearable pain to them eh di the cycle would continue. Unfair sa kanila.

No amount of words can console you. You alone can console yourself. We cannot forget our dead loved ones. We need not too. We can keep them alive in our memories and heart. They can still be a part of our life on earth. We can speak to them in our dreams. Sometimes, I tell my (deceased) parents “Ma, Pa, look at what we have built, sana nakita nyo”. Even if they are not physically around anymore, we can still feel their presence by keeping their memories alive. Hard, but we have to try. Why? Because we still have our family with us, other people still depend on us. We still have a purpose in life that’s why we are still alive.
I am sharing with OMB readers my encounter with him hoping we could all learn how to handle situations like this. That we could all understand what others go through in life. That we could be more sympathetic and understanding of other people.
That we could learn how to value ourselves and life.

#deepdepression #grieving #lostoflovedone