Chippendales’ Souvenir Sando and Briefs

Instead of staying for half hour as I had originally intended, I got stuck watching the Chippenndales show (kunwari pa raw).

There were nine members and all of them were at least 6 footer. And the bodies, grabe sa dami ng ABS. Theirs are not 6 or 8 packs. Puro pack-pack from shoulders to their calves. Alon-alon ang mga katawan. Ang lalaki pa ng dibdib pero ang liliit naman ng nakabukol, ewan kung bakit.

The other half of their performances were mostly walking on stage, dancing, gyrating, making effing moves here and there and everywhere. Whatever they could think of to titillate the mostly female audience’s sensuality.

They were also stripteasing. There were times when I wasn’t watching, I was just observing and a few times I was just looking down to rest my eyes from looking at them. I was curious kasi why their briefs have only small bumps not as big as their muscles. I was trying to figure out if my theory of the bigger the muscle the bigger the bird was correct. I think I was wrong. My eyes got strained from staring at their birdies.

AT some point, I didn’t notice they were strip-teasing. There was something that fell beside me and landed on the floor a few inches beside my right foot. Nagulat ako.
Akala ko kung ano ang bumagsak sa tabi ko. When I looked at it, it was a piece of white cloth. That morning, aside from the dark blue sweater, I also bought a pair of light blue loafers. While I was eating in Smash Burger, I stepped on some french fries scattered on the floor under the table. My shoes got dirty. When I saw the white cotton that landed near my right shoe, I thought of steppin gon it to clean my shoes. The woman who was sitting in front of me was screaming and before I could step on that white thingy, she turned and grabbed it and held it close to her chest while continuously screaming. What is she going to do with that sando? Souvenir?

When I looked at the stage, yun pala ay sando ni Chippendale, naghuhubad sila, pinupunit yung sando tapos inihahagis sa mga babae na tilian sila.
Pinag-aagawan like candy and coins during house blessing. Sinuot na yun nung mga guys, bakit aamuyin ko pa? You can never make me grab those sandos. Maraming sando si Edmund sa bahay, idinonate ko na nga sa Caritas yung iba.

For several minutes, the guys were walking around the stage a-la runway fashion show super models. They were dancing a little, meron ding konting hiphop, and mind you they were all good dancers. Towards the end of each number, they took-off their clothes. That’s the whole point.

Napansin ko, soobrang nipis naman ng sando nila, tila walang quality, it tears all the way to the end.
So the next time they appeared on stage, I really focused on the sandos’ neckline to unravel the mystery of this no quality sando. My suspicion was correct. I spotted the cut, meron ng konting gupit yung neckline right at the center, para it would be easier to tear it apart.

They tore their sandos and threw them to the crowd. They did this several times parang nasawa ako. I found it boring na.

They also would face the audience, show them their tiny front bumpers, turn their backs, then face front, pull down the garter of their briefs up to the part of their puson closest to their birdies. Wahhhhhhh Wahhhhhhh Wahhhhhhh Ayan sigawan na naman. Baka merong himatayin, puson pa lang ang ipinapakita ha.

Then they turned their backs from the audience and cut their briefs open on the side. Corny, nakatalikod naman sila, Sawa na ako sa pwet nila. The briefs have invisible snap-on buttons. I was glad they only threw the sandos to the audience and not their briefs. Yung briefs nila after they’ve taken them off, they threw them towards the direction of the side stage where someone collected them. Not the audience. Mabuti, nakakakilabot naman kung briefs nila, gamit na tapos itatapon sa mukha ng mga babae. Yuck.

It would be very funny if the guys suddenly showed their frankfurters. Baka takbuhan yung mga babae. The big question mark is where would the women run? Towards the exit door or up the stage?

They invited the audience to line up on the side of the stage one by one to have a photo with the Chippendales. I saw the gracious guys positioning themselves on stage for the souvenir photos. I thought of having a photo also with them just for fun, to complete my adventure, and as proof that I really watched the show. But when I saw the poses, ay back out na ako. I stood up and left. I saw the women sitting on the guys’ laps, some were being carried by the guys, laying down on them and some other seductive poses that are probably funny when you’re 30 years old, and you would regret doing when you’re 55.