Counting Years of Marriage Perfunctorily

We had a late lunch at a carinderia-type restaurant somewhere in Cavite last Sunday. One wall is full of photos of the owner with famous personalities like Eddie Gutierrez, Lea Salonga, Julius Babao with his wife and kid and many others.

At the topmost center of the wall is a family photo of the owners’ 75th wedding anniversary. To be married nowadays is a haaa. To reach 10 is a huh. To reach 25 is a wow. To reach 40 is a really. To reach 50 is ang galing. But to be married to the same person for 75 years? Achoo!

I don’t think I will ever be married to Edmund for 75 years. I would already be in heaven by then. We are far from 50 but soon to be 35. I am not sure if we will celebrate or we will still have the same direction and goals in our personal lives, and if we still would like to make that journey together as a solid “we”. That we have to decide.

We had a big party on our 25th and actually he didn’t want to have a party. He didn’t see the point. He agreed only because my daughter would be involved in the preparation. He did it only for my daughter and not for me.
Nako-corny-han siguro.

It’s been 10 years, almost, since that event. A month ago Yen and I were having fun entertaining the thought that we will have a destination wedding
/ renewal of vows and Edmund said pag 40 years na lang daw. Clearly he doesn’t want. Ladies, if your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want to marry you, huwag pilitin. Kung ayaw nya, huwag nya.

I made some hype on our 30th wedding anniversary. We had no other guests except for my two children. I just took it as a good day to celebrate the blessing of having a family. I didn’t want to pass up the chance of finding an excuse to celebrate life. I grabbed the chance to throw a party in honor of my family and not just about Edmund and I. I thought it would be a fun thing to do.

Couples should celebrate their years of marriage because they still feel the love for each other and the joy of togetherness. But if they are only marking the number of years just because the days went by and they happened to be still living in one bedroom doesn’t mean they have to throw a party.

The party is only an external manifestation and proof that you were indeed together on that day that just so happened fell on the day you got married. But the real celebration must come from the joy within, in each other’s hearts. Is there still a sparkle in your eyes every time you see your spouse and not the other people around you? If there are no more moments in your relationship when you look forward to seeing him/her to spend the rest of your day, then there’s no more reason to party. Couples must only celebrate if despite the many years, they truly love and value one another and would still want to continue life’s journey together because they are still in love with each other. And not just counting years, perfunctorily.