Fear of death

Edmund’s father died at 50. For a while Edmund had fears that he wouldn’t reach 50. Or he would die too at 50 like his father. Marivic’s dad died too at the age of 50 if I am not mistaken. When Marivic turned 50, she didn’t throw a party. She didn’t want to celebrate her birthday. She, like Edmund, developed a fear of dying at 50.

My Kuya Ben died at 57. In a few years, I would be 57. Sometimes I am thinking, will I die too at 57 or I would sprint past it and reach 77?

I guess I am going thru a phase.
I am beginning to feel my body’s deterioration at a fast pace. I am all to blame actually because I do not take care of myself. I do not eat the right foods, I do not exercise, I let stress rule over me. Even if I am not very busy, my thoughts are consumed by stress. Upset stomach, not wanting to sleep, aloofness, drowning on food.

An acquaintance of mine, let’s call her Sally, has no children. She’s married to a doctor and they are considerably affluent. They’re always traveling all over the world. She told me one time that she has many regrets. She said “dapat nagpabuntis na lang ako nung bata pa ako, at least meron akong anak, na hindi ako iiwan at lagi kong kasama”. She regretted not getting herself pregnant by any man because her husband couldn’t have children of his own.

She said she’s envious of me because I have two children, most especially I have a daughter daw na barkada ko. Her husband is a very nice fellow, except that he couldn’t have kids. Baka short.

Many of her friends are sick of cancer and despite their wealth, they are not able to feel better and recover fully. Baka rin daw sya eh magkasakit kasi maikli daw buhay ng tao ngayon.

Sally worries about her material possessions. She wants to unload her house and other properties and just spend the money shopping and travelling because no one would inherit them.

I think she too, is undergoing a phase– fear of death. Except that her worry is centered on money. I asked what she’s going to do with all those money? How is she going to spend them? She can buy a nice bag every week but when you’re old and weary, those trappings of wealth would no longer appeal to you.
Where would you use naman all those colorful Hermes?

She said she and her husband would just visit other countries. They joined the pilgrimage to Europe last November, spent two weeks in France last April, and would be joining a one month pilgrimage again to Europe in October. She doesn’t like na daw to go to the US because she’s sawa na. I told her visiting the US has a different purpose. We go to the US not for sight seeing, but to be with our family and relatives.

“Alam mo naman yang pilgrimage na yan, meron lang kasamang pari pero puro pasyal rin kami”.

I saw this yesterday, a certain Sandra Liza Fonacier, died at the age of 34. Siguro she got sick of cancer too.
Every time I see young people die I get so affected even if they are total strangers. I should stop looking at the Obituary.

Note: According to OMB reader Alvin, She’s the daughter pala of Daki Fonacier. I think I’ve met him at least twice before. If I am not mistaken, he was a guest speaker of a forum hosted by Philexport and I was tasked to introduce him.

My sincere condolences to the Fonacier family.