I am depressed. I’ve been depressed for quite sometime now.
Yesterday I realized that this is a phase. I am going through some difficult phase. Perhaps one of the most difficult a person could encounter. My new realization is a good step. At least things are becoming clearer in my mind. I am slowly piecing things together. My anger is subsiding.
The why why why and bakit bakit bakit have stopped playing in my ears. My mind is becoming more objective and I hope the next phase would give me a clearer thought and a better perspective to fight this off.
I also went thru a very difficult phase fifteen years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer of the endometrium. The walls were found to be thickening. Because of some ignorance, It didn’t occur to me that I could have cancer. Only when heavy bleeding started that I went to the hospital to have an ultrasound. Then BAMMM. My whole world started to collapse. I thought I would be gone before I see my children graduate from high school. I thought I would never experience clapping my hands when they go up the stage at their college graduation. I was questioning the heavens “paano na yun, di absent ako pag kinasal ang anak ko?”
I was lucky because the cancer was caught early. It was just starting to be stage 1. I didn’t go thru the grueling and expensive chemotherapy. I was spared.
I went thru some physical, emotional and psychological struggles which lasted for a decade. No one knew that. The pains and trauma were inside me.
There were days that I couldn’t find any reason to go on in life. I was so uninspired to live. I would be in the midst of hundreds of people and yet I felt so alone. One morning I phoned my Kuya Junior who is a doctor. When I told him exactly how I felt, he said there are still many good reasons to live. First and foremost is my children. He told me they are enough single reason for any parent to live and fight.
Yes Annie, there are many good reasons to live. There are people out there who cares, silently praying & wishing the best for you.
Thank you Luming.
Ms. Annie, I’m depressed for 4 years already. When I read your experience, I’m afraid it could reach a decade. Oh my. I also thought the climax was the darkest night of my soul which did not kill me. So right now, I just live day by day with nothing else to look forward to but the end when I go to heaven. That’s the only sure thing I know. With heaven to look forward to, the depression leads me to think earth is hell with all the wrong systems built to make people feel pain. Either we are pained or we are part of the cause of other’s pain. Four years ago I was in the middle of Las Vegas strip for the first time, and I never felt a single drop of happiness or fun, it seemed like I was there many times already before and all I wanted was to go home. I just pray to the Father to lead me home where I can feel grateful and joyful again.
Dear Joey,
This is very sad. I feel your pain. I knew exactly what you meant when even while standing in the middle of the festive Las Vegas strip, you didn’t feel any excitement. That’s what every depressed person feels.
Four years to be depressed is a very long time. I hope one day your sadness suddenly evaporates and may you see the colorful rainbow again. Basta kapit lang tayo Joey.
Omb
Thank you Ms. Annie. And your blog helps too. I wish for you to be joyful again and feel better each day all day.
Hello Ms Annie.. How are u? I hope ur enjoying ur weekend..;-)
We all go through the same phase at some point in our lives.. Don’t worry, hindi ka nag-iisa.. 😉
Kanya-kanyang DISKARTE lang yan on how u handle it.. Basta ang important thing is, whenever u feel SADNESS or LONELINESS creeping in, u only have to LOOK UP AND PRAY TO GOD.. 😉 HINDI KA NAMAN PABABAYAAN NI LORD 🙂
And u have ur TWO BEAUTIFUL AND LOVING KIDS to love and care for.. 😉
YOU WILL NEVER FEEL ALONE WHEN U ARE SURROUNDED BY YOUR LOVING FAMILY.. 😉
Enjoy ur Sunday and have a good one.. GOd bless u and the family always.. 🙂
Take care and be safe always, Ms Annie.. 😉
Hi Pam,
I am coping. Thank you.
We are praying for you and your loved ones. Keep well.
Thank you Alvin.
That is also my reason to fight this stage 2a breast cancer Maám…my baby boy who is 25 months old. Ang hirap….but God is soooo good I am still alive and hoping I would see my baby grow up ng maayos.
Hi Marie,
Hang on, your baby needs you. I have a box full of pre-owned items. My driver couldn’t find your house in Mandaluyong. Pls pm me your complete address and landmarks.
Hi Ms Marie.. U don’t know me personally, but I will include u in my daily novena.. I know that it is very hard when u have someone in the family with the same illness.. My Mom was a Breast Cancer survivor too, but she lived many more happy years before she succumbed to stroke.. I know that God will also give u His grace to live many more healthy years…
May God touch u with His healing love and comfort, Ms Marie..
U are right, GOD IS SO GOOD AND MERCIFUL ALWAYS.. 😉
God bless u and ur family… 🙂
Thank you Ms.Pamela…how can I die when even someone i do not know cares di ba? Yes I receive Gods healing touch and comfort. I speak a blessing to you as well as you reach out to others.
Thank you Ms.Pamela…how can i die when even someone whom i do not know cares di ba? Yes i receive that healing touch and comfort from God. I speak a blessing to you too for reaching out to others through prayer.
Just want to share you this: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when u meet trials of various kinds, for u know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ” James 1:2. Do not let the enemy steal your joy. And being grateful is the start of joy. Yes, count your many blessings in life, and the start is your loving family, your loving siblings, and so on. I wish u all the joy.
Thank you Rissa.
Hang in there Miss Annie. I am depressed for 2 yrs now. My mom died from cancer and then my brother got stabbed 2 months after our mom died. I can’t find a reason to smile. But life needs to go on, and maybe through constant prayers God will show us a way through it all. I will pray for your happiness..
Thank you Pinay Geek.
Depression is just a name. There is a name that is above all names; and that is the name of JESUS! Surrender everything to him and all other names will bow before him…. our struggles both physical and spiritual will disappear when we let HIM interfere on behalf of each of us. No matter how big the mountains (life problems) we are facing, we can move it and trash on it if we have faith in that wonderful name. God bless you!
Thank you A. Antiporda
tita annie mga kagaya nyo mabuti tao at matulugin ay lagi po ginagabayan papa jesus…….mraming salamat po lahat ng tulong nyo samin…godbless po
I’ve also faced a lot of difficulties in the past few years, and felt the dread, anxiety and depression that permeates your entire being, that eats up your soul. In my quiet time one day, I came across Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I realized that these challenges will come to pass in the right time, as directed by God, no matter what the enemy wants you to believe.
I’ve always prayed for difficulties to go away, but at one point felt that it may be better to pray for strength and wisdom and the attitude to go through them, if they are not going away…
While I do not fully understand why or what I am going through, I trust that God is using these to help me build spiritual maturity. He must have a plan for me, this God who is the master planner of the universe, who also architects my life. Therefore if He promises good things about my future, I will claim it! This has helped me looked at things from another perspective, trusting that no matter how hard it gets, it will always end well for those who hold on to Him.