Lately, I’ve been observing people who have lost their spouses. I refer to those sumakabilang buhay and not sumakabilang bahay. I’ve been thinking about it lately. The phrase “Till death do you part” is indeed truest to its form. It can’t be far from the truth. Despite presumably having a good and happy relationship with their spouses, people who have been married for ages move on just as quickly as the sun goes down and up.
Of course there are exceptions to my perception. But I think majority of those whose spouse died,
feel more relief than grief. Maybe for a couple of days and once every quarter they feel sad but
the feeling of new found independence is more overwhelming than any missing-missing.
In extreme cases, he/she feels a sudden burst of “I am in control of my life” and begin celebrating singleblessedness.
I am surprised at how fast most people move on after the death of their spouses. In some cases, they were already having an affair or a fling, or were maybe attracted to another person even while the spouse was still alive. So it’s easier to move on with this person. That’s another story.
I am referring to those who truly love his wife/ or husband. Who after his/her death easily moved on and re-married or went into a new relationship. I am not judging, I am just wondering. Where did the love go? Buried under? I am not saying that they should grieve forever, but it only validates my observation and theory that there is no such thing as undying love or forever love.
365 days of togetherness. Professing undying love for each other. Depending, loving and caring for each other.
Vowing to love one another till death do them part. Those who remain in-love and faithful to his spouse.
But the minute the partner died, it’s like all the love also died.
The daily visits to the cemetery last maybe for a month, then it becomes every other day, then once a week, once a month, until it becomes more of a chore, an obligation or a guilty feeling. After a few years, the visit becomes a ritual and part of the undas tradition.
Love for the spouse is not forever. It’s not undying.
“I love you till the day I die?”
More like ” I love you till the day you die”. After that, “goodbye”.
I believe in grieving briefly and moving on with life. After all we are all inherently social beings.It is really a personal choice and whatever you decide to do hinges on your life situation. For most people , moving on quickly looks very inappropriate, out of the standard but who cares? If am dead i am dead .Will I care?Will i know? I will not want my spouse to put me on a pedestal .What matters is how we treated each other when we are still living.