maghapon magdamag magkasama: divorce or separation?

The forced lockdown is going to be a true test of a couple’s love and commitment to each other.

Many are predicting that weeks or two months of being stuck together, in one space will push spouses to their limits.  Maghapon at magdamag na magkasama, saan ang uwi?  Divorce or separation?

Unlike during normal times,   spouses go about  their own lives despite living in one house.  Day time they are either in their respective jobs, having their own recreation or with  friends.  They are only together physically  when night time comes and on weekends– only for several hours.

A very good example is us:

Edmund and I try our very best to be tolerant of each other’s moods but there are days that we lose it.  We get into each other’s nerves.   For example, he read somewhere that fresh garlic, ginger, and vinegar cooked and juiced together can de-clog heart arteries.   He started taking this concoction in Manila last month.   Several days ago he bought the ingredients from the grocery and tried to make this same concoction of ginger, garlic, and vinegar.   Naku eh sobrang ang bantot.  The whole house stinks. There’s no dirty kitchen here so the smell permeated the entire house. He opened the doors and windows to let the bad smell out.  He also turned on the oven’s exhaust fan but the smell lingered.   I could still smell it from every corner of the house. He probably got so pressured,  he brought the concoction out in the backyard.

While I was getting my night time medicines the smell grew more intense. I  didn’t notice that the green fluid spilled on top of the range which was right in front of me.

A—–“Naku tart ang bahu-baho”.

He stood up and pointed at the green fluid that spilled on the range.   E—-“Ayan o tumapon”.   He got the potholders.   I thought he was going to use them to wipe the liquid off the oven.  I said “Tart! tart! Wag yan!”  Napikon, he yelled at me so loud nabingi yata ako.   Hindi daw nya gagamitin yung pot holders for wiping.  It was so loud I think his voice reached Walmart and KFC.     Papatulan ko sana sisigawan ko rin pero baka maubo ako eh this is not a good time na ubuhin.  I took a deep breath,  I paused, hahampasin ko sana ng refrigerator pinigil ko lang sarili ko.  I just said “ako na lang nga”.  I  cleaned the oven, using soap, water, and sponge.  I repeated the process three times to remove the smell kasi mabantot talaga.    While doing all that,  my tears just kept falling.  I sobbed silently. I wasn’t angry  but I felt bad and frustrated.   I wanted to tell him that I didn’t marry him so he could yell at me.  While I was lying in bed that evening,  my tears cascaded down my pillow.

The next morning,  when he saw me coming down the stairs,  he greeted me “good morning tart!”   I didn’t respond nor look at him.  I just couldn’t bear to look at him.   Who was he greeting good morning ako ba?  Excuse me, may atraso pa sya sa akin.  Ni hindi nagsorry.  Dyos ko,  akala yata nalimutan ko na sinigawan nya ako kagabi.  What have I done to deserve broken eardrums?

It took me a few days to calm my nerves down because I was really irritated with him.  He acted as if nothing happened.   Kunwari merong amnesia? He didn’t even care to apologize.  Akala kasi siguro komo kasal na kami eh kahit hindi sya magsorry eh okay lang.   Merong divorce dito ano! Gusto ko sana syang paluin ng sandok nagpigil lang talaga ako.  See?  Being together all the time is not good.  I hope he doesn’t make any more mistake of yelling at me like that kung hindi hahampasin ko sya ng kawali.

Locked-up in a limited space maghapon at magdamag na magkasama?  That’s tough.  For couples who no longer like each other to begin with, a month of togetherness would clear any doubt in their minds as to how much they don’t like their spouse —  very much or very very much?  Baka very very very very much.

There are couples who can no longer stand being together and yet they still choose to be together.   Nagtitiis, nagpapasensyahan na lang.   They manage because, without the virus, they can go pretty much everywhere singularly.   Their marriage life becomes bearable.  They don’t notice that time goes by because they go on with their lives technically separately. But with the virus lurking around, these unhappy souls are forced to stare at each other’s faces the whole day.  Eat together three times a day, watch tv together?

The stay-at-home order will refresh their memory as to why they married each other.  If the realization goes well,  then emotions could spark a new round of romance.  If it goes the other way, then they will be the firsts to file for divorce as soon as the lockdown has been lifted.