My Funeral Plans

During sickness week:

Feeling physically weak, and not knowing where the aches were coming from, I couldn’t help but think, naku po, tila malapit na akong matigok. I began to scroll down my list of kababawan. Paano na yung baby cow, yung aking farm house, yung bago kong watch, yung kubo sa Binangonan. All those are not important, health is wealth.

While alone, in bed, with body pains I haven’t experienced before, I began asking, Lord, is today the day? Is this the summation of my life? Hindi na ba ako mag be birthday next year? Hindi na ba ako aabot ng 60? 70? 80? Am I too young to die or too old to live?

On my second week of sickness, images of my own funeral started flashing in my head. Bigla kong naalala ang tanong ni Edmund kung gusto kong magpa-cremate. Eh ayaw ko nga. Kung kani-kaninong alikabok at abo yung nasa lutuan nila, wawalisin lang, halu-halo yung ashes. So paano? I haven’t made up my mind yet, let me take my time to decide.

I have no written instruction yet to my daughter on how to discard my decomposing body. Morbid yes, in touch with reality, yes. Sad, yes.

Preparation for ones’ funeral is something one must do whether we like it or not. So paano? Where do I begin? Shall I hire an event organizer?

This is hard, maisip ko lang na patay na pala ako para akong hindi makahinga. Meron na akong shortness of breath.

I don’t have detailed plans yet, just vague thoughts. Saka na siguro yung detalya pag patay na ako. By that time, hind na ako gaanong busy. Marami na akong time mag-isip ng mga planu-plano ng life after death. Matagal pa yun.

1. I cannot imagine myself inside a very tight coffin. Maliit pa sa refrigerator namin. Parang ang sikip. Ayaw ko ng masikip. Kaya nga I don’t like condo living. I want spacious.

2. I want to wear very long fake eyelashes, para charming pagnaka-pikit ako.

3. I don’t wear undies when I sleep, so don’t make me wear one while I lie in state. Anyway, half body lang naman ang nakalabas ano?

4. I want to wear an expensive top or a very nice branded dress. para duon matuon ang pansin ng tao, hindi sa mukha kong embalsamado. Yung label ilipat sa harap, kasi merong mga babae na curious sa suot ko bigla na lang hahablutin yung likod para tingnan yung tatak. Ayaw kung istorbohin nila ang higa ko. So ilipat yung tatak nung dress sa harap. Paglapit pa lang sa salamin “Ay, Christian Lacroix”.

5. I want to wear a nice watch. I will choose which one siguro afterwards na lang. Pero baka naman ma-hold-up ako sa pantyon at kunin ang relo ko. Hmmm okay, I will reconsider this wish. Come to think of it, it’s no longer practical for me to wear a watch. I cannot wind it, if it’s quartz, problema pa sa anak ko kasi she has to have the battery replaced after every 1 1/2 years. Solar kaya? Hindi pwede, madilim sa ilalim ng lupa.
Ano kaya? I want sana yung talking watch, kasi my eyes would be closed most of the time, I couldn’t look at my watch to check the time. Tama, talking watch na lang with longer battery life.
“Hello OMB, It’s twelve midnight, time to split your body, flap your wings and fly away”.

6. Scented coffin and air spray. Lavender, peppermint, etc. Parang nasa spa. Ayaw kong mag-amoy luma at lupa.

7. Did you notice coffins with live chick-chicks? What does that stand for? Nung maliit ako sa Binangonan hindi naman uso yung merong manok sa kabaong. Siguro sa akin, it has to represent a little bit of me. Anak, can you put some nice porcelain cup and saucer on top of my coffin?

8. I want to bring with me my alkansya. Sa Binangonan, pag gabi, dun nagpupunta sa sementeryo yung mga nagde-date. Duon sila sa ibabaw ng nitso nagkaka-ayos ang butu-buto. I need the alkansya. I am going to charge the lovers some tong. Hulog muna. Maraming durugista sa Binangonan, dun din sa sementeryo nagse-session. Hihingan ko rin ng tong para may pambayad ako sa grass cutter.

9. So does that mean I want to be buried in my home town? Not sure yet. I have to take into consideration the distance from my children who I presume would continue living in Manila. Medyo malayo at ma-traffic. Sa bagay they would only come visit me once or twice a year the most. But where in Binangonan? Sa sementeryo? No way! Ayaw ko. Too public. Too congested. Ayaw kong nakadikit sa ibang nitso. My pulmonologist advised me to avoid big crowds and I should wear a face mask daw. Tsaka walang privacy. Hindi ako pwede sa ganyan, Ako pa, sobrang aloof. And oh my that’s creepy. The whole place needs upgrading. Baka hindi ako maka-relate sa mga nakalibing dun. Baka awayin nila ako, i-protesta.
Ang daming gagala-gala dun, mga high pa, naka shabu. Ihian pa ang nitso ko, excuse me. I cannot rest in peace.