Party Dudays

My mother’s sinaunang impression of women attending parties was walang kwentang mga babae. Palaboy, mabababang klaseng babae, laman ng lansangan, at hindi magandang ugali at hindi dapat tularan. Kasi, her impression of “party” ay yung nag-iinuman, nakikipaghagikgikan sa mga lalaki, mga walang pakialam sa kabuhayan. In other words, bawal sa akin ang pumunta sa party.

What she prevented and banned me from doing when I was still young, is the exact opposite of what’s happening later in my life, today. I always have parties to attend, parties to host, meetings cum parties to participate. Last friday was Mazda- Berjaya Convention, tonight is Ford’s Annual Dealers’ Convention, on monday is Makati Ford’s grand opening, on friday would be a luncheon party. So far, I already have 3 parties to attend to in February.

This reminds me again of some of my experiences and observations at parties. Here’s more party dudays’ do’s and don’ts:

1. We, women have the tendency to act motherly even to men who are not our children. Always, always, I see women in parties offering free shoulder massages to acquaintances. Ladies, don’t give your male friends free shoulder, noo, and back massage, unless you are in a more private setting, not inside the Grand Ballroom of Shangri-la Hotel. Baka kunin ang telepono mo at mapagkamalan ka pang nag-ho-home service.

2. Oh men, do not enjoy too much the complimentary reflexology given to you at parties, Wag nyong masyadong dibdibin, na meron pang “oooo, sarraaap, diinan mo pa, yan yan”. Huwag nyong pang bolahin na “ang galing mo palang magmasahe”. Ikaw naman Misis, para ka namang timang.

3. Men, no sniffing of women, “ang bango, anong perfume mo?” Awooooooo!

4. Men, after beso, beso, detach. D E T A C H ! Tsyupiiii! ZOOOONGH DISAPPEAR.
Don’t be carried away and kiss my neck, tarantadong anak ka ng bola-bola at panis na queso!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Women, don’t just dump your left-over food or ice cream on other men’s plate. Ask him first if he would like your mismis. I’ve seen a woman dump ice cream from her cup to another man’s cup. May laway mo na yan.

6. Men and women, who did not come from the same uterus, do not share spoon and fork and glasses.

7. Women, again, stop acting like a mother feeding her baby. Do not subo the men who are not your husband, or son or aging lolo. Ano ba naman yan, para kang care giver. If you want them to taste the food, just tell them to get their own spoon and food.

8. Do not sip from the other guests’s glasses. “Masarap ba yan? Patikim nga?”

9. I was attending a luncheon meeting, my friend who was seated across the table tila napuwing. Something yata got into his contact lens. Since he was given Coke instead of water, eh kailangan nya ng water, he used his spoon to scoop water from my glass. Yes we are friends, pero sobra akong maselang when it comes to my water. Even here at home, I get my own glass. I was taken aback. He apologized afterwards and realized na medyo off yung ginawa nya. I had my water and glass replaced with a new one.

10. Men, make sure your dandruffs stay where they belong, on your head, not on your shoulders. If you like falling snow, then wear white all the time. Do not wear dark suits. And never never ask your female acquaintances to dust off your shoulders. Bring a nanny.

11. Drunkenness during business meetings or even during parties other than your own party, is a big turn-off. So men and women, please restrain yourself from drinking too much. Inis na inis ako the last time I attended a Christmas party in Binangonan. Yung mga lalaki mga lasing na. A friend of mine kept on putting his arm over my shoulders, I did not want to be rude. Mas lalo pa akong na turn-off when he said na kung alam nya lang na magiging ganito ako (meaning successful), sana pala kami na lang ang naging”. Nay ko po, parang sumakit ang sikmura ko.

Next time please keep away from me. I am masungit and suplada sa mga lasing. Know your alcohol limit. Don’t drink too much.

12. Ladies, if you have to bring your regular dancing partner, especially to a formal gathering of business people, please make them dress appropriately. Button-up his shirt. Do not let him display his balahibo sa dibdib. Nakaka-kilabot.

13. Men, if you would like to bring female D.I. please remind them to wear softer bra. If possible, choose those with size B or cup B. Sizes C, D and E are detrimental to the health of men. Sobrang tulis, Pag fox trot ang sayaw, natutusok yung mga lalaki.

14. Ladies, it’s unforgiveable to go out smelling bad. I attended a luncheon party with 20 women and there was someone who had bad odor. Kahit anong ganda ng make-up, bihis at alahas, kung bantot naman, sayang lang. Dab some Johnson’s Baby Powder, it’s effective. But not when’ you’re wearing sleeveless at makikita puro puti ang leki-leki mo.

15. merong mga tao na mahilig itaas ang braso nila tapos halos naka dikit na sa mukha ng kalapit yung armfit nila.
Helloooo, what’s that? “Smell me here, I’ll smell you there?”

16. Men, no tapping on women’s head. Para sa ano yun? Hands off!

17. Men, if you want to complement your female acquaintances just say “Hi, you look good”. Stop there, period na.
Do not add “Siguro galing ka kay Belo”. I’ve heard some men comment “kay Belo ba yan?” I know it’s just a friendly joke, pero hindi nakakatuwa at hindi nakakatawa, And you are embarrassing the women.

18. Men, please do not embarrass the women by saying “Uyy, ang sexy mo ah, slim na slim, parang dalaga pa ah,
naka girdle ka?”