Romantic Uber Driver

I cannot imagine how much I owe my Philippine visa credit card now from my daily Uber rides. I must have spent at least $500 already during my stay here in Veygas. My first ride in the morning is always around $18, then there are short trips in between that range from $6 to $10 then coming back to my hotel would be around $18 to $25 depending on the distance.
Di bale, I am going home soon.

I’ve met several Filipinos driving the Uber, one was a female who has 7 children (I didn’t ask how she was able to produce so many.) I knew she was Filipina but she spoke in straight English with an American accent kaya I didn’t ask her anymore to validate her native land. No asking “are you Filipino?”.

I’ve met two Americans, one is married to a Cebuana. The other one told me his Filipina wife bosses him around and is mean to him. But she makes 400 lumpiang shanghai which he loves. He said he and his brother could eat 100 each in one sitting. While they’re talking, they just keep on eating daw. With suka, bawang and paminta. Oh my. I am hungry already.

I also met a Filipino Uber driver whose wife is a nurse. He is so nice to me. He waited while I bought a sandwich. He waited for me again till I finished my meeting. He also offered to drive for me wherever and whenever I need to. Eto nag text na, on leave daw sya the whole of this week, if I need a driver. Wala naman akong gaanong pupuntahan na at patapos na work ko. Next time I would like to meet him and his wife.

Yesterday, my Uber driver going back to the hotel was a Filipino again. He’s about 40 years old. Divorced daw.
He also offered to bring me around. Saan ko ba daw gustong mamasyal. Sasamahan daw nya ako. “Iikot kita kung saan mo gusto”. “Gusto mong pumunta sa mall?” (If I am going to the mall I don’t need a driver. There are malls around Bally’s in Las Vegas Boulevard.

Tila mali ang sagot ko. Tila na mis-interpret nya.
A—“Naku wala akong time mag-ikot. Hindi na. Actually gusto ko lang manood ng concert ni Ricky Martin, kaya lang tumawag ako tila tapos na yata. Pati kay Britney Spears, JLO”.
Driver—– Ricky Martin? Samahan kita.
(Samahan nya ako? Sino kaya magbabayad ng ticket nya?”

Driver—-“Dyan yan sa Park Theater”.
A—–“Malayo ba yun?”
Driver—–“Sunduin kita, kung gusto mong kumain, pumunta sa mall at manood ng sine”.

Ulllkkkkkk! Sine? Sine ba kamo? Ako ba inaayang manood ng sine?
Di ba pag-inaya kang manood ng sine eh ibig sabihin gustong makipag-date sa yo? Who? Me? Ulllk. Buti na lang hindi ako nasuka kasi tunaw na yung spaghetti and meatballs na kinain ko nung umaga. $250 ang bayad sa Uber for cleaning fee pag nasuka ka sa loob ng kotse ng Uber.

My God, ako inaayang manood ng sine? Ano, necking? Gustong makipag necking sa akin? Meron akong stiff neck.

Eto ang problema, hindi nya ako kilala gusto na agad nya akong i-lips to lips. Second problem, dating an Uber driver is tantamount to a blind date. I don’t do blind dates. I need to pre-approve his qualifications.

Ni hindi ko pa nga nakikita ang hilatsa ng pagmumukha nya kasi sa likod ako nakaupo. Never ako umupo sa harap. Puro batok lang nya ang nakikita ko. Buti pa sya dahil he could see my face from the rear view mirror.
Gwapo ba sya o pangit? I don’t even know how his body looks like, mataba ba sya? May abs? I also have a minimum height requirement Dyos ko. I will get into trouble if I date someone below 5’7. My husband might say makikipag-date lang ako kulang pa sa Vitamin D and Calcium. Syempre medyo mayabang yun pagdating sa height.

Hindi ako basta-basta nakikipag-necking kung kani-kanino. Kahit matanda na ako meron pa rin akong delicadeza. At habang tumatanda ang tao, mas tumataas ang standards. Ang dami kong basic requirements. Maraming check-list.
Before I agree to date him, he has to pass the following:

1. Kotse— Susunduin daw nya ako. Ano ang ipangsusundo nya sa akin, yung pang Uber? Ay, ayaw ko. Brand new daw yun. Ang sikip, meron pang mantsa yung upuan sa likod. Hindi natin alam kung merong pasaherong umihi duon.
Aba syempre naman mapili talaga ako sa kotse. Kaya nga ayokong nakikisakay sa iba, nahihilo ako pag maliit yung kotse at pagnakalubog ang upuan. I don’t want to sound yabang pero tutoo. I will only date someone who has a Ford Expedition? Lincoln Navigator? Range Rover? Escalade? If he has at least two of those, CHECK! Tingnan ko muna registration. Baka hiniram lang nya. At saka dapat bago pa o mga two years old pa lang. Baka itirik pa kami eh ang init dito sa Vegas. Ayaw ko ng amoy luma, nagma-migraine ako.

2. Watch— Of course, I am a watch person. I want to know what kind of watch he is wearing. Hublot? Rolex? Patek? Chopard? Royal Oak? Breguet? Cartier Santos? Tinatanong ko lang naman, wala naman masamang magtanong.

3. Credit card— I don’t want to date someone who doesn’t have an American Express Platinum, with no credit limit. Ayoko nung nasa mall kami eh pinagpapawisan sya sa nerbyos dahil $800 lang credit limit nya.

4. Mouth hygiene—-When was the last time he had a thorough and deep cleaning with the dentist? Does he wear pustiso? Kailangan yung hindi umuuga at tanggalin. Malunok ko pa yan, ma-emergency pa ako. When was the last time he had ubo, sipon, sore throat, pneumonia, tuberculosis?
Mahina na ang resistensya ko, baka mahawa ako. Is he taking antibiotics?

Necking pa lang yan, if he wants to take it to the next level, mas mahaba ang application form.