Ten Things I am thankful for

Lately, I’ve been having trouble remembering what I did the night before. Where we went, where we ate. That’s bad. I have dementia na siguro.

I don’t remember every moment of my life. What I did each day. I only remember snippets of my past. A few mornings ago all of a sudden para bang my picture as a young wife appeared in my consciousness. It was like me now, watching an old movie, with me then as the lead actress. Parang naawa ako dun sa young girl (me). How she coped with her life. How she managed to be a wife, mother. Wala pa syang kamuang-muang nuon. Her face, her lithe frame, wearing a big white t-shirt cum daster given by her mother, going up and down the stairs, holding a milk bottle, etc. What was going through that girl’s mind, I wonder.

My daughter always tells me that a lot of people, mostly strangers, like to share with me their life and love stories. I wished when I was younger, I also had someone to share my stories with. Pero wala nuon, ako lang, mag-isa.

Last night, or this morning at around 1:30 am, I was thinking about my life. Abah kako, malapit na birthday ko, ang haba na ng tinakbo ng buhay ko.
Edmund said “dont say that, you sound very old, syempre mahaba na talaga ang tinakbo ng buhay mo, singkwentang taon na”.

Actually lampas pa ng 50, sa tuesday merong dagdag uli. And these are ten things I am thankful for:

1. My parents, ka Cardo and Ka Felicing. They truly loved each other and us. They worked very hard to provide for us. Hindi nila kami ginutom, pinag-aral nila kami. Mataas ang pangarap nila para sa amin. My parents were not baduy nor cheap. We had a decent life. They were kind and compassionate. They also helped a lot of families in Binangonan. I disagreed with their ways of parenting me, but somehow, I realized later in life, that they were right all along, very strict yes, pero ganun naman talaga nung araw, super higpit. Even when they were retired and living a simple life in Hayward, my parents never asked money from me. Instead, every birthday ko, my mom sent me a birthday card, merong pang nakasipit na dollars. $20, minsan $50, wala naman silang work nun. They were genuinely generous to us and didn’t take advantage of their children like other parents. Hindi yung pakitang taong generosity. When Edmund and I were building our first house, inuunti-unti lang namin, my mom came home from the US and when she saw our kitchen wasn’t finished yet, she offered to give me her money, which I turned down.

2. My brothers. Nung maliit ako, laging meron akong birthday cake, medyas sa Christmas eve, candies and chocolates. My brothers love me and Aileen and they’re generous to us. Kung ano man ang kaya nila, hindi sila madamut sa akin.

3. It’s a blessing to have a sister especially if she’s as kind and thoughtful as my sister Aileen. She never forgets to give me and Edmund gifts. She always have something for my kids from the time they were born. Lagi syang merong padala sa akin. Even up to now, lagi syang merong konting regalo kay Oyen and Nyke. I know in times of need, hindi nya ako pababayaan. Kung wala akong matirahan, I know she wouldn’t mind having me. She truly loves and cares for me. She’s the kind of sister one would want to have.

4. My education. Despite my father’s fear that I might get pregnant in college and not finish, I finished all the way. I was a lazy student though. Every time the teacher would lecture, I would not care to listen, kase in my mind I knew the topics already. kaya hayan, anong nangyari sa akin? Walang laman ang utak. Puro green patani. Thank you for giving me professors na maawain, ipinasa ako.

5. Seeing the other parts of the world. Ang gusto ko lang nuon makasakay ng airplane, I was given much more than that. I have been around the world, to countless countries and cities and paulit-ulit pa. I am leaving on Sunday for Paris. I was just there last October. This would probably be my 13th, 14th or 15th time. What are the chances that I would celebrate my birthday there again- for the second time. Visiting other places opens my eyes to how others live. How civilizations flourished. How beautiful nature is. Masarap mamasyal pero magastos at nakaka-takot sumakay ng airplane ngayon.

6. Edmund must be my match that’s why he became my husband. His friend Gilbert Chua said that Edmund and I were a match made in heaven, soul mate daw kami.
I am not sure if that is accurate. I don’t feel we are soul mates but we are room mates and bed mates. We irritate each other and many times parang gusto ko syang kutusan at kagatin sa leeg pero here we are, still together. He’s kind to me naman and sweet din pag merong signal number 5. Mabait din pero minsan nakaka panginig ng laman sa inis. I am sure he also feels the same way, siguro nagpipigil lang sa akin, gusto na akong ihulog sa hagdan. I doubt very much if he is still in love with me but when I married him 30 years ago, I knew he truly loved me.

7. Thank you Lord that I don’t look so bad at all. Imagine kung pangit ako? Kawawa naman ang mga anak ko eh di pangit din. I am beginning to hate my face but Edmund told me that I have to accept ganyan talaga. I’ve been observing people in their 60s. They look old.
A———–“Tart, ibig mong sabihin pag 60 na ako, kulubot na talaga ako”.
E———– “OO, kaya nga nanginginapo na sa atin yung mga bata…”.
A———- “Dyos ko pag dating ko ng 60 di ang pangit ko na?”
E———- “Ganyan talaga”.

Oh Lord, I want to reach 60 and beyond, but I don’t want to look like inihaw na pusit na sunog. Hindi na kaya ng moisturizer yan. Wood putty kaya yung pang masilya? Baka naman I would look like driftwood. Waaaah!

8. My children complete me. Without them I would be smack of self pity, depression and feeling of alone-ness. I have no quantifiable success to speak of, my only bragging right is that I have two children who love and care for me.
Thank you so much for giving me the greatest privilege of being their mother.

9. My children’s education. Napagtapos namin sila. Credit is also due them kasi they did the hard work. I hope they learned something that would carry them through out their journey in life. They both are smart and bright. But I hope they would become smarter in dealing with the people they encounter.

10. Financial help. We don’t have too much, but even in gipit times, help comes. When I enrolled Oyen in nursery at the Philippine Montessori Center, the tuition fee was beyond our means. Sobrang mahal but I chose that school because I thought that was a good place for my daughter. I first went to Brent but Oyen was only 3 1/2, too young pa daw. They asked me to come back after a year but I didn’t because I found this nursery school inside White Plains Subdivision in Quezon City. Although I was always a week or two late in paying for her tuition fees, we managed. When it was Nyke’s turn, tila my payments were on time. You always provided for us. Thank you talaga Lord.