The Elusive Pregnancy

MC got married in 1988. We’re about the same age, give and take a few months. My birthday is May 27 (oh this Saturday, and M’s is I think in August). She and her husband tried everything possible to have a baby. For more than 10 years, they were so busy going to fertility clinics, attending lectures on pregnancy, counting her ovulation period, and hopping from one ob-gyne to another. When they hear a certain doctor is better, they go. They’ve been to practically all the major hospitals in Manila, HK, and Singapore. Blood tests, egg counts, sperm counts, vitamins, exercises, yoga, fertility pills, hormone injections, none worked for them.

She never missed visiting Baclaran on wednesdays. She attended the 6 am Novena Mass so as not to miss her 8:30 am work in Makati. She occasionally brought sampaguita to the grotto in Novaliches.

She didn’t forget her nightly rosary. And of course, she and her husband were regulars in Obando.

Nothing. No pregnancy. One day, her husband just gave up. He refused to do the regular doctor visits. He didn’t want anymore of the blood test, sperm counting, injections, etc. He just gave up. He didn’t want to go with her to the doctors.

They generally have a good relationship, as a couple and as friends. They would hang-out together, exchange jokes, have Friday drinking nights. Barkada silang dalawa.

Then he stopped making love to her. His provincial work assignments also became more frequent. For several years, he made all kinds of excuses to be amorous to his wife MC. Tired, not feeling well, not in the mood. Wala lang, He just didn’t have any more sexual attraction to his wife.

MC has a gregarious personality. She’s strong, confident, intelligent, articulate. She has no belly fats, and is considerably fit.
She is pretty and has white skin because she’s half Chinese.

She was becoming unhappy although she didn’t want to admit it. She hid her sadness under her smiles and outgoing personality.

Biniro ko sya one time — maybe the reason why they couldn’t have a baby was because they were not having sex.

She laughed. Her laughter was not an expression of happiness rather it was more of an outlet of her frustration and acceptance.

She told me she spent lots of money buying expensive sexy underwear and provocative dresses to seduce her husband. Not really to seduce him but to look pleasing and appealing to her husband. Hoping that her sexiness and seductiveness would somehow awaken his romantic desires but wala ring epek. He would just push her away. Then in seconds, tulog na.

Imagine the blow to a wife’s self-worth if your husband refuses to make love with you? Does he still love her? Making love, according to our Catholic teaching, is a sexual act between a married couple, to express their love for each other and to pro-create. So paano na yan? Wala ng love yung husband nya. Because they couldn’t have a child, he got tired and lost interest, not only in having a baby, but he also became indifferent to his lovely wife.

One Friday afternoon, traffic was so bad around Makati. MC passed thru the side streets and used alternative roads to get to their house at the boundary of Mandaluyong and San Juan. No GPS yet and Waze during that time. Sa kaiiwas nya sa traffic, kung-saan-saan sya napunta.
Medyo traffic din. While her car was waiting for the GO signal, she saw her husband’s car parked in front of a restaurant. Alam mo yung parang sa sine ni Julia Roberts. She parked and got off her car. Just as she was walking towards the restaurant door, she saw her husband thru the glass window. He was with a woman. The woman she long suspected of flirting with her husband. The woman who was a member of his sales team. The woman who was always traveling with him during out of town work assignments.
They were holding hands. The worst thing, he told her a few days ago that he was going to Bacolod for a one week sales rally.

She was too shocked to re-act. She went back to her car and drove off.
She didn’t even have the energy to confront him. She endured two days of agony while waiting for her husband to come home.

When he did, she confronted him but of course, sabi nga, lahat naman ng lalaki eh hindi aaminin.

Her insecurities started manifesting in her behavior. She became flirtatious. She carried a 6-month affair with a much younger guy, her office mate.
She started going out with a friend of her boss who is separated but in good terms with his wife.
He promised to bring her to Canada, to live there together, away from their respective spouses in the Philippines. Of course, that never happened. She was disappointed because in her mind, that was a perfect scenario. That would have been a new beginning, a new path for her.
Her disappointments were further aggravated with the discovery that her boyfriend was a playboy. He carried affairs with models, actresses, tila basta nakasuot ng panty eh papatulan.

MC confronted her boyfriend. After that, he stopped seeing her.

Do you think MC’s husband would not go astray if they had a baby?
Having children is not a guarantee that the husband/wife would not get attracted to other individuals. But do you think things would have been better if they were blessed with one child at least?
Do you think the husband’s lost of interest on MC has something to do with her not being able to give him a child? Or it didn’t matter, he would carry an affair with his workmate anyway?

Minsan iniisip ko, ano kaya ang explanation bakit yung labandera ng mama ko ay umihip lang ang hangin eh buntis na agad? 13 ang anak nila. Papasok pa lang ng bakod ang mister nya eh nape-fertilize na agad ang egg nya, tapos bakit si MC ay hirap na hirap magka baby. Kahit sana isa lang nagka anak sya. Mabait naman sya, maawain at matulungin sa mga nangangailangan. Maraming taong salbahe pero marami silang mga anak.