At 10 pm last Saturday night, all of a sudden, there was a light bulb that switched on in my head. Aha! Those were some of the things that made me a sad person. Now, I am going to deal with them. I will no longer allow anyone or anything to stop me from drying them out under the sun. I do not want to move forward into the next phase of my life without addressing them. Otherwise, there would be a lot of moments that I would detach myself again from the present because I am still stuck with a bit of the past.
I slept for one full day and two full nights hoping when I wake up the harbored feelings have dissipated while I was sleeping but when I woke up they were still there. Of course problems don’t get solved while we sleep. They only disappear when we face them head on.
It’s funny because after several decades things are coming back into my memory and resurfacing in my consciousness maybe because I am presently in that zone where I am trying to understand my old inner self. What makes me happy, what makes me sad, what inspires me, what’s truly important to me.
My birthday is fast approaching and last night I vowed to myself that I will not let May comes without me facing unresolved issues in my life. I owe it to myself. This is my buhay and I don’t know how many more years remain, but I intend to make the most out of my remaining years. I wasn’t born to be sad. I should be happy. I will remove those that I have identified are causing me unhappiness. If it’s not possible to eliminate all causes, I will try to minimize them. I don’t even know if this is possible.
Facing the issues doesn’t mean they would all be resolved. But at least I want to let it all out. Hurt that I’ve been harboring for decades. Small issues that remain unaddressed and ignored hoping they would go away but they didn’t. I thought I would be a better woman by not giving importance to my feelings. But no, I refuse to let that happen again, beginning now and in the future at all costs, I will unload what’s in my chest. Might take a month or years. If no one cares to listen and understand, I will find a wall to talk to. Might need more walls but I just need to vent it out.
Aww, Ms Annie ❤️ I am just a text away, if u need an extra friend to talk to… ❤️
Annie…I am here if you need somebody to listen to all your hinaing. I’ve been through a lot and one of those trying time ay alam mo. Your sister is my friend and so are you kahit na minsan lang tayo nagkita at nagkasama. Take care:)
Maraming salamat Sally. I appreciate your concern. I am okay.
Forgiveness and letting go of built-up hurts and resentments is a daily process, where God’s supernatural grace is essential to complete our internal healing. I didn’t understand before that unforgiveness blocks the blessings from heaven because we are also not perfect. Ephesians 4:26-27 helped a lot in my daily resolve to let go, and in realizing that at the end of my life, these hurts and resentments do not ultimately matter.
Forgiveness and letting go of hurts and resentments is a daily process, where God’s supernatural grace is essential to the journey of healing. I didn’t realize before how unforgiveness or resentment can block the blessings from heaven because we are not perfect. Ephesians 4:26-27 helped a lot in my resolve to let go, realizing that at the end, most of the hurts and resentments do not ultimately matter.