What drove him to think of suicide?

I met a young (24 years old) artist last Wednesday at the Van Gogh is Bipolar restaurant.

He was very open about his personal circumstances.  Although I was a complete stranger,  he was more than willing to share with me what he went through as a child and what he is going through today.   I didn’t even have to ask.  He revealed his inner pains and I was really shocked.  I could not imagine what his parents were feeling when all those were happening to their eldest child.

I fully understand why this boy was so open.  I was like him too.  Four years after what happened to my son,  I still tell people about it, even to strangers who don’t care about my family,  even to acquaintances that I know would only tsismis us to their other acquaintances.  I don’t care.  Telling them about our bad experiences is a form of release of this nagging pain that is now less intense but the trauma lingers.  Occasionally I need to share it to release the pain.  And I also hope, my son’s bad experience could warn other people from falling prey into quick money schemes like interest-earning investments, direct marketing, etc.

Suicide has taken a center stage lately.  The millennials are said to be the most vulnerable because theirs is the generation of comfort and easy access.  They are said to be less patient and absorbent of life’s trials and tribulations.  They are said to be less emotionally and psychologically equipped to handle the hurdles that life throws at them.  They easily give up.  Hence, the thought of taking their own life.

The boy that I met told me he tried to commit suicide two times.  First,  when he was 19 and the second one was on his 22nd birthday.  They were not a spar of the moment decision,  he planned them.

I was wondering what drove him to think of suicide?

This is his story.

He was raped when he was 9 years old.  The perpetrator was their neighbor.  I didn’t ask about the details, if that monster was caught, in jail, or now dead.   That single trauma clearly affected his being.  He is gay and I don’t know if his formation was due to that horrific event.  I am not a psychiatrist or a psychologist so I cannot make an educated analysis.

His parents wanted him to be a doctor but his dream was to be an artist.   He tried to follow his parents’ dream but he wasn’t happy.

The rape was not the single reason why he thought of saying goodbye to the world.  It was a cornucopia of everything that was happening to his young life, of course the effects of the rape could be the single biggest factor.

At 19, he tried to commit suicide by hanging.  On that day,  he knew his parents were going out to attend an event.  He calculated that they won’t be back till after several hours.

He hanged himself in his room right after his parents left their house.  Miracle, his mother left something and they turned around and went back to their house.  His mom looked for him and since he didn’t answer,  they went inside their room.  They found him hanging and unconscious.

His mother is a nurse practitioner and maybe this also helped saved her son.  She did CPR then brought the boy to the hospital.  He survived.

After he was back on his feet, he decided he would pursue his dream of becoming a successful artist.   He dropped out of med-school just before he graduated and enrolled in UP Fine Arts.

He was taking up medicine to follow his parents’ dream but that was not what he really wanted.

His parents were furious and cut his allowances off.  He suffered difficulties because he didn’t have any money.  He persisted, walking to and from school to save on transportation.    When his lola found out about it,  she supported him.

He was able to earn his diploma from UP and was able to express his artistic talents and creativity by joining exhibits.  But he put a deadline to his life.  In his mind, he has already achieved his dream of becoming an artist so that’s already enough.  he didn’t want to continue living.

He planned on ending his life on his 22nd birthday.  He took pills, lots of it, but his body jolted and released all the toxic substances he swallowed.  He threw up everything.  He lived.

He realized that probably it’s not yet his time to die.  And even his body didn’t want yet to die.

He went through counseling and re-hab to change his outlook.  He has a psychologist that sits with him when he needs some support.

He has a day job,  participates in art exhibits, visits a lot of galleries,  and keeps himself busier by joining advocacies on mental health.

I am not a trained psychologist and I can not offer any good advice.  I can only give him a few words based on what I experience as a person.

I told him life is not all happy days.  No matter who we are, what we are, where we are, there will always be sad days.   “You are only 24, very young, your journey hasn’t begun.”  Life is not all happiness,  bukas masaya tapos bilang the next day malungkot.

Problems abound, they don’t go away.   Solve one, and here comes another one.  I told him ako nga matanda na,  I also get depressed when problems come one after the other. Ngayon nga two weeks na ako super stressed-out.  My stomach is always churning,  I am always feeling dizzy, and the other day my whole body was shaking including my knees and feet.  We have a big problem and no help is in sight, wala pa rin. Ganun ang buhay.  I told him to just hold on, pray,  kapit lang.

#havefaith  #mentalhealth  #depression  #bipolardisorder  #familysupport  #choosetobegood

#havefaithingod  #lovethyself  #livelifetothefullest  #trytobecontent