I refer to those whose father had died.
Four regular ohmybuhay readers have recently lost their respective fathers.
Bel, 55, lost her Papa in January of this year. He’s in his 70s and had been sickly. He had 2 strokes in the past 10 years and the 3rd one killed him. According to Bel, her Papa was semi-obese (if there’s such a thing) and had a heart problem. His heart ailment started when his trading business suffered a series of losses due to China products’ market invasion. He could no longer compete with the low priced China goods flooding the market. He went bankrupt. He borrowed money here and there, used up all his credit card balances, sold his house. The proceeds from the sale just went to the payment of some of his debts.
Bel, is at peace with herself. She’s not depressed and her father’s loss doesn’t affect her.
She said it is because she has learned how to cope with it. She is gainfully employed and her children are all in good stead, working for big companies, earning big salaries.
Vanessa, 23, lost her father two months ago to cancer of the lungs. His father was a chain smoker. He only stopped when he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He died 6 months after. Van, is a strong girl. Despite her young age, she has coped so well. Credit that to the fact that she has a very supportive mother and her activities also keep her distracted. At 23, she’s the one managing their grocery store. She told me, she still feels low occasionally. She cried, yes. She got depressed for a while, but not for long.
Minda, is 45, single. She’s very, very affected by her father’s passing. I think much of Minda’s sadness stems from the fact that she lived with her father all her life. She’s single, no kid, with a sibling that lives and works in Qatar. Basically, she’s all by herself, now that her father is gone. Minda would be alone, all day. I advised her to go out and make friends, go to church, join whatever there is to keep her company.
Lei, is in her early 30s. Her father passed away last Sunday. The pain is still very fresh and naturally, Lei is still having a hard time coming into terms with reality that her dad is gone. I don’t know yet the circumstances of his death but the way I see it, Lei is having difficulty coping. Add to the fact that she’s a few months pregnant. Mas- sensitive sya ngayon. No matter how difficult, she has to try to contain her sadness, kasi the baby in her tummy could feel her anxiousness and all her emotions. Baka maging iyakin ang baby nya.
I was 39 when I lost my father. Although I already knew that it was only a matter of time, I still fell into depression. A deep one. Bad timing, kasi even before he died, I was already depressed with my own life. My career was zero. I made very bad judgments. I lost the little money that I had. I lost some properties that we’ve worked for for many years. I felt so poor. I cancelled my credit cards except for American Express. To control my expenses, I paid cash whenever I went to the grocery.
I was crying everyday. Then my father passed away. The intense grief aggravated my depression. I felt my life was going nowhere. I was so discouraged. It came to a point when I wanted to leave my family and just go to a far away place. Away from it all.
I have told this story a few times. One day, I was in the office, I just decided to go on a retreat. Inisip ko maybe it would help me. I called-up Caleruega and a young male priest answered. I made reservations.
I think what happened was fate and circumstance. For the first time in their history, it’s the first time that one person only came to spend the night. Also, the young male priest was sent there to soul-search. He’s depressed because he lost his adoptive father.
Instead of the priest giving me advise, I lectured him for more than an hour about life.
I would like to believe that my presence and what I said made a difference in his life.
I saw him the next day looking happier and upbeat while preparing to leave for Manaoag.
He looked like he had a renewed enthusiasm to go back to his vocation.
Edmund picked me up that noon, we stopped at Josephine’s in Tagaytay to have lunch. Over lunch, he told me he wants to grow old with me. Well, that was more than a decade ago, I don’t know if he still feels the same way. But actually, old na kami, so this is already the future.
How about my depression? I don’t know what happened. But for some reason, it just disappeared. My thoughts got occupied by the young priest’s predicament. And my days were spent wishing him well. I believed I was used by the heavens to enlighten him, and in so doing, I enlightened myself.
To all those who have lost a father, grieve, but you cannot cry everyday.
You’ll dream of your loved ones every now and then. Which is good. At least you are able to spend time together even in dreams. I am always happy when my parents and my Kuya Ben appear in my dreams. I feel like they are visiting me, checking on me.
Death is beyond my understanding. It’s hard to fathom why we have to suffer unbearable pain with the loss of our loved ones. Why can’t we all live forever? Happily forever.
