I only spek Inglesh

We have a new cook named Joyce.  She was a former OFW having worked in Dubai, HK, Singapore, that’s according to her biodata.  She also studied culinary from Tesda (daw).

She replaced Ana Liza, the cook that didn’t know how to cook.  Joyce arrived from the employment agency on Sunday afternoon.  She has a cheery personality. Today is her second day so I am still figuring out whether she is another cook that doesn’t know how to  cook or she’s far worse than Ana Liza.

As much as possible I don’t like to hire someone who has worked with a foreign family like diplomats and expats.   Their salaries are high,  they are tamad, they are spoiled,  they want coffee and wheat bread in the morning,  they expect lasagna for merienda and they wake up late, take siestas,  and go to bed even before we eat dinner.

The night before,  I gave instructions to Joyce.

Me—–  What time do you wake up?  Mr. Yee wakes up at 5 am and he drinks tea.

Joyce—  In the American,  my time is 9 am to 9 pm.

Me—-     Mr. Yee wakes up at 5,  breakfast is usually between 7 to 8 am.

Joyce—  So mam,  I will prepare the tea at 6:30am.

Me——  Mr. Yee wakes up at 5 am,  and he wants his tea right away.

Joyce—-  So mam, what time will I prepare the tea,  7 ?

——————

Yesterday morning, Joyce didn’t prepare anything for breakfast and  instead of getting angry at her, I just made init some of the left-overs from the ref.  I decided to hang-out in the dining area  for a few minutes to get to know her better.

Joyce—  Madame,  I only spek Inglesh.  My father spek Inglesh.

Me——- Ok,  that’s good.  So where did you learn how to cook?

Joyce— I grew up with a Chinese family in HK, Singapore.  I spek Chinese also.

Me——- Wow,  daig mo pa ko.  What,  Fookien?

Joyce—- Mandarin and Cantonese.

Me——– So what Chinese food can you cook without the aid of a cook book?  Siomai?

Joyce—- Tokwa with sawsawan, oyster sauce.  I am  psychic,  I can cure,  I cure the sick, with my touch.  I studied for 3 years under the American.

Me——-American,  so you know how to cook steak,  it’s very easy.

Joyce—- I can cook.  American don’t eat steak.  I prepare fish and they don’t eat.  I am  psychic mam.  I  feel if a person is sick.

I cured 5 people already.

Me—— O you are blessed,  that’s God’s gift.

Joyce—  Yes mam, I am bless, I inherit from my grandfather.  He’s a vetrenian.

Me——wow,  your lolo is a veterinarian

Joyce—He cures the sick,  he’s albolaryo.

——–

When I arrived in the office yesterday morning,  I was already in a bad mood.  Napagod ako sa ka-iinglesh kay Joyce. I called one of the male service staff.  The HR  reported that he’s  always tardy, lazy, etc. etc.  His direct superiors have issued several memos and he was suspended once.  I hate it when managers make sumbong to me when they couldn’t handle their staff.

I did not want to write a memo.  I am angry and why do I have to start my letter with Dear….  and end it with Sincerely, Truly yours, Yours truly.   Who made that rule that we always have to be polite even when we are pis….d.   Why can’t I write an angry memo?  Instead of Dear….,  Hoy..bwisit ka,  and end it with Engot!

I am normally very objective when I speak to them.  I try to determine any  personal situation affecting  their job performance.  But yesterday,  Joyce has already consumed my patience (which is almost nil) so I was already drained when I faced this guy.

Me:  How many years have you been working here?

Guy:  One year ho.

Me:  Based on my experience, nowadays sa halip pag tumatagal nagmamalasakit sa kompanya,  kumakapal ang mukha,  umaabuso.

Me:  Kita mo tong file mo,  ang kapal na ng memo at ….  Hindi na ko magpapaliguy liguy pa,  simplehan na lang natin,  anong gusto mong gawin?  magtino ka o tanggalin kita?  If you feel this is not the company for you,  leave now, but if you believe that this is a good company,  and you still want to stay here,  then ayusin mong trabaho mo at ayaw na ayaw ko ng malaman na may complain about you.

I used to be a very soft spoken and sweet person.  Hindi makapatay ng lamok.  But when you have to move people,  a lot of sweetness disappears.  And this BRUHA unfolds.