Biggest Christmas Gift

Last year when my daughter was consulting with several doctors and going to fertility clinics, I knew she was worried that she wouldn’t be able to conceive a baby. She underwent several tests and the OB-GYNE said she could get pregnant but may not be able to carry the baby to full term.  That meant she could suffer a miscarriage. Of course, that was a piece of devastating news to any woman trying to have a baby.

The doctor prescribed some vitamins and medicines and suggested that she goes gluten-free. She followed the regimens and still no baby.

Many women who are in their early 30s and up are in the same quandary. IVF was the next option, then egg collection, freezing,  and there’s expensive surrogacy.  Many don’t want to adopt some stranger.

My husband and I have 100% belief that she would conceive, and that there was nothing wrong with her body. But we couldn’t help but also worry knowing that our daughter was under pressure.

Father and daughter even went to this massage clinic in Quezon City run by nuns. Meron daw fertility massage.

One day, after my daughter’s visit to the Ob-Gyne to check if she was pregnant, I saw on her face worry, pressure, and sadness. Alam ko medyo worried na sya.

At least once a week I visit the church and light candles. Lagi naman my children are included in my prayers. And since Oyen was trying to have a baby, I also included that in my prayers.

One afternoon she looked extra sad and told me that she has her period I felt sad too. I didn’t want to see her struggling to try to have a baby. As a mother, even if she doesn’t articulate her emotions, I feel it. She wants to have a baby and what if she can’t?

While all these were happening, once or twice a week I would go to church and lit candles. That particular afternoon, I went to Christ the King, lit several candles, and went inside the empty church. There was no mass which was the best time to visit the church. So peaceful I could communicate with God more.

I just sat there staring at the altar.   Diba ang turo sa atin sa Katoliko is that God is omnipresent.  He is here, there, everywhere.  He can see everything we are doing, he reads our minds, and He knows what’s in our hearts.  I believe that even if I don’t recite the long verses, and pray 5,000 Hail Marys, God knows what’s bothering me.  So I sat there quietly, firmly believing with all my heart that He knows exactly why I was there.   After a few minutes, I talked to God. I told him that my daughter is trying to get pregnant and that I want her to become a mother like me kung pwede. I want her to have a child, her future best friend, her close-in buddy, and forever kakampi.
Someone who would receive her unconditional love and love her back and give her immense contentment.

I practically begged God to help Oyen. At one point, I wasn’t sure if God would agree to my request to give Oyen a baby so I offered my life. Yes, I wholeheartedly said that in desperation. I told Him, if He is running out of new souls, I offer mine. He can just get me, and in exchange, my daughter shall have a healthy, strong, smart, and mabait na baby. Ako na lang ang kapalit as long as my daughter shall have a child. I am old, although I still want to see my future apo or apos.

Sometime after, Oyen announced that she is pregnant. I got excited I posted it on The Tan Family’s Facebook page. She got so mad at me saying it wasn’t my business to announce something like that which naturally offended me. She was probably worried that she might have a miscarriage and that announcing her pregnancy to the world might be too soon. I didn’t speak to her in weeks till Edmund asked me to talk and sort things out. I felt so offended and found her words disrespectful. From her own perspective, she didn’t mean it that way.

Edmund and I just kept our faith and continued praying that she would carry her baby to full term and deliver a healthy baby.

And here he is, our first apo, Oyen’s so very handsome son, generous with his cutest smiles, our biggest Christmas gift. And since I offered my own life in exchange, I don’t know if God would take me sooner or later, or much much later.

Thank you dearest God for bestowing upon my daughter the privilege of motherhood.  May she finds stability and calm knowing she has someone who would be her best friend, companion, and ally, forever. Someone who would eventually give her love, care, and understanding. Theo would be her rock and number one supporter.

We are so thankful. Theo gives us so much joy. May Theo’s life be long and happy. Please protect and guide him all throughout his life. Maraming salamat po.