I couldn’t sleep last night. I was thinking of my mortality. I was worried about a few things. I was becoming paranoid– I could be sick and dying and not knowing it. Baka bumulagta na lang ako bigla. My stomach started to hurt, I could feel stabbing pains on my left breast. I felt dizzy.
What triggered my paranoia?
Eh I saw photos of my classmates from Binangonan, they were at a wake. Sino kaya namatay? When was the photo taken? I asked Malou, she said, Perlita Tan, died last Friday. Just this Friday. We’re not related. She married a Tan, friends of my parents but not relatives.
Apparently she was diagnosed with cancer of the lungs before Christmas and was given 2 to 3 months to live. Ayun, she’s gone.
What does one do with two months to live? Do not panic or else baka ma-heart attack ka lalong umikli ang buhay, sayang yung two months. Time management will play a big role in maximizing your remaining days. Make a list of things to do, people you want to see. Make sure you only visit the people who want to see you. Do not visit anymore those who owe you money. If you owe me money, don’t pay me na lang. Abuloy ko na lang yun. But you have to do me a favor, look at heaven’s list of soon to be tigok, if you see my name, erase it right away.
Did Perlita ever smoke? No.
Her cremation is tomorrow. I won’t be able to attend the mass service. I have a full schedule tomorrow and sobrang traffic going to Rizal. Pasensya na Perlita. Do not multo-multo me.
Lately, ilan yung namatay, nakita ko sa Facebook. Why do people comment “Pare magkikita pa tayo”. Bakit gusto nyong makita yung kumpare nyong patay na?
Oh my I am scared. I don’t want to die of cancer, of any sickness, violence, accident or kulam. Basta I do not want to leave this world yet. Dami ko pang lunch and dinner meetings. Mahaba pa listahan ng utang ko. I still want to witness my son’s second wind. I want to give him a congratulatory hug. I want to be there when my daughter gets married or have a baby. I want to prepare a children’s party for Edmund’s 75th birthday. Why children’s party. Puro ulyanin na yung a-attend. I want to build a library and a health clinic. I want to go to Botswana and Rwanda. So many “wants”.
I had lunch last week with a friend. Her breast cancer was discovered in May 2016. She underwent chemo first to shrink the tumor before surgery. She had lumpectomy last week. She is turning over her records of pautang and properties to her daughter. “Baka mamatay ako, walang nakakaalam ng mga time deposit ko at pautang”. They are extremely wealthy but we all know that cancer doesn’t spare the rich from its unbounded wrath.
I wish her 25 more years of happy life with her beautiful family.
Update:
I learned a few minutes ago from Thony Luluquisin (our batch mate based in Toronto) that 3 of our batch mates died one after the other, in three consecutive days. Perlita Tan, Regina Antiporda, and Ricardo Antazo.
Oh my God, I don’t know what to say. I am stunned. Scary.
