Don’t lose your purpose in life

I am not talking as if I am a life coach or a life guru. I am far from it. I just woke up this morning at 6:20 am understanding more my own weaknesses and then I went back to sleep, woke up at 11 am feeling the same way.

Twenty years ago after I recovered physically from a cancer scare, it took a few years more before I was able to recover psychologically and emotionally.

It was a long process and everyday I didn’t feel any excitement about my life. I lived like a zombie. I was depressed but wasn’t aware of it.
One night I phoned my eldest brother who was a doctor of medicine at Kaiser Hospital in California. I told him I have lost my sense of purpose. He said my children must be enough reason for me to keep living.

I busied myself with things important and unimportant just to be able to get by thru the day and sleep well at night.
My life was fairly easy. We traveled and had fun family times. I was happy on the surface but deep down I was still vulnerable to emotional outbursts.

I went on and on and then I realized that the key was not to be happy all the time. The key is finding contentment with what we have, where we are, who we are with.

I was just analyzing my life too much and that caused a lot of disappointments. I was too analytical of myself and wanted everything to be right and perfect.

A purpose is not about having a big grand goal. It’s not about achieving too much or too little. It’s about finding something in our everyday life that will make us get out of bed, do things that is either worthwhile to others or worthwhile to us.

We don’t have to do great things to have a sense of purpose. Just finding something to do, to keep us busy or entertained, inspired, motivated, whatever it is, be it planting some tomatoes, designing a daster, learning how to bake cookies, dreaming of building a gazebo, teaching kids how to sing, etc. There are a thousand little things we can do that will give us a sense of purpose everyday.

I get excited flipping through houses online, watching the monstrous homes of Holywood celebrities, sports superstars, movie and music moguls’ multi million dollar homes on Netflix. It keeps me inspired and excited. It keeps me entertained.

A friend told me that he is feeling depressed lately. That he goes home with a long list of things to accomplish but finds himself not moving and just staring blankly at a wall. That didn’t come as a surprise to me. I was very depressed last May and I also stared blankly, not on walls, but on trees, roses, and the sky. That gave me momentary feelings of relief. Back in May I thought I would just drop dead from either covid or from stress and worry. I was able to make a turn-around.

I am still worried about the virus and the economic effects on our lives. I worry about my family’s health and safety. I bombard the heavens for our protection. But I am also learning how to live with this chaos but still finding something that keeps me excited. I am still day dreaming, taking calculated risks, and venturing out into the next level. I cannot live without a sense of purpose. I still imagine myself reaching 88 years old happy and active, and I wish the same for all of you as well.