When I am scheduled to leave the country either for a 5 day or 5 week trip, I cram. Things left undone and things I need to do are suddenly magnified and I feel the lack of time to accomplish things. When I am in Manila, I have a list of the things I want to do when I go back to the US. When I am in the US, I forget to do those things. When I am back in Manila, I am reminded again. Even if I make a list, I forget to look at the list.
When I am going back home either from a 3 day holiday or an 8 week sojourn, I feel the same way. I cram. I always get the sense that I am not able to accomplish anything. When I am in this mode my stomach starts churning and my chest starts pounding. It comes like an anxiety issue. My doctor in Manila once advised me to take a low dosage of medication to calm my nerves down but I never did. I don’t want to rely on medication to calm me down.
This morning, realizing that I have one whole room of dirty laundry, a doctor’s appointment, bathrooms to scrub, siblings to visit including a quick visit to the cemetery, an airline ticket to re-book, bags to pack, 10 people to call, my nerves acted up again. Para akong ninenerbyos. Watching The Filipino Channel does not help me at all. With all the patay, nabaril, ginahasa, riding in tandem, aksidente, inararo ng truck, mas lalo akong ninenerbyos. I watched the Love it or List it HGTV program to deviate my attention. And I am going to visit the adoration chapel. They close at 4 pm so I better hurry.
