When you are counting years till your ending you make your time on earth feel much shorter. You kind of subconsciously begin to pack up in preparation for that day God knows when. Some people go even further by writing their own epitaph.
They say that we should always treat each day as if it were our last. But humans naturally don’t think that way. We always look forward to waking up the next morning. We like to dream and plan way ahead into the future. We don’t think of those things.
For the past two to three weeks I’ve been feeling aches and pains in different parts of my body that I’ve never felt before. Middle finger on my left hand has difficulty keeping up with the other 4 fingers. When the 4 are straight, the middle finger remains folded. It screams attention by giving me 24/7 slight to moderate pain. A week ago the point finger on my right hand started feeling the same thing. It’s stiff and no longer agile. My right elbow and parts of my right arm are so painful and I could no longer stretch my right arm straight out. Today, the left elbow and arm are following suit. My back is aching, my left knee is aching.
I drove 45 minutes yesterday to get the lab result from CVS and I was already feeling anxious that there could be something other than ordinary throat irritation. It was negative of any virus or bacteria so I was a bit relieved.
I’ll be back in Manila next week and I should maximize my remaining few days here going to places, visiting relatives and friends but my days are short because my movements are confined to around the house because I always feel tired and weak. I feel dizzy when I lay down, I feel dizzy when I get up. Do I have vertigo? What’s this? Is this making me feel obvious that I am getting older faster than I should?
Looking at my face on the mirror gives me the answer. Dry skin, wrinkles, droopy eyes, yes thank you, I am old and look old. With that, I adjusted the number of years I told Lord to let me stay around. From 70, I told him 75 and lately I’ve been reminding him to put me at 80. I want to live up to 80 years old. Not sickly and a liability to my children, but 80 still strong enough and able to take care of myself.
I met someone a few weeks ago who’s 72 and have just moved in to a new house. 72 years old and still moving to a big brand new house? She and her husband are fairly well off and their two kids have their own houses and good careers. They told me they are planning to visit Chile and the Bahamas.
They told me life doesn’t stop only because you are 70. They don’t plan based on their age. They plan according to what they want to do. They still are excited to do new things and visit new places. They don’t stay home and pack up. They don’t sit idly waiting for the big day to come. The day that only God knows when.
I wish me, my husband, my children, my siblings and their families, my relatives and friends, acquaintances and strangers, all, everyone, a long and healthy life. Healthy, safe and free.
