My sister and I were talking on the phone today about marital conflicts and divorce. A family member is having trouble with his marriage. I told my sister it’s very easy to find one thousand reasons that couples could fight about. Kahit mabait kayo pareho, meron pa rin kayong pag-aawayan. For example: Kami ni Edmund. One time I was moving my decors around the house. I was holding a crystal bowl then I suddenly remembered I had to get something from the bedroom. I placed the bowl on a table sa gilid lang. Then I forgot to remove it. Edmund saw it and said “Eto ba dyan na lang talaga?” Kung papatulan ko sya maiinis ako, kasi parang sarcastic. Eh ipinatong ko lang yun dun, tapos nalimutan kong kunin. See? I was sure he had no intention to irritate me but what he said irritated me. That moment could potentially be an away moment.

Two very different persons trying to live a peaceful life together will encounter a constant challenge daily. No matter how much they love each other, there will always be something that would strain their relationship. Small things even.

From the point of view of women, men are different. Of course they are. God created them differently from women. It’s in their DNA to be stoic, indifferent, insensitive, thoughtless. Those characteristics make men stronger than women. In the same manner that we women are created differently from men. Our own algorithm spells sensitivity and thoughtfulness, and many other traits that are far different from men’s.
Can you imagine if your husband is iyakin, matampuhin, sumpungin? You wouldn’t want him to be the same as you.

The man and the woman’s individualities blended together are meant to compliment each other and not create conflict or discord. That’s where the challenge comes in. How do two completely different human beings blend together to live in peaceful harmony? How do we use those differences to make a harmonious relationship? We need balance, understanding, humility, restraint, and patience. All of that gives support to one big word, LOVE.

For example:
Both of you must know when to stop fighting. Yelling louder and louder won’t resolve your issues. It’s hard to calm down when your spouse is so annoying and irritating. I know it’s hard when you want to express your emotions and the other party can’t seem to grasp the whole picture. It’s so irritating and offensive when you want to say something and he/she cuts you and doesn’t want to let you talk.

If you know that your husband has the uncontrollable urge to slap you when he’s very mad, then know when to stop yelling. Don’t push him to his limits. Sit down and talk calmly when you have an issue. I know this is easier said than done but always try, apply maximum tolerance. Don’t trigger it. Huwag salita ng salita. However, if you think living together is no longer feasible, then leave, just make sure that decisions are made with the kids’ welfare in mind.

I don’t know how to give advice to a man who hit his wife. Maybe he should go to therapy to manage his anger.

In some extreme cases, some men physically abuse the wife as in bugbog sarado talaga. Some years back, I read a news article about a Filipina lawyer who suffered a broken skull as a result of her former husband’s beatings. Ang sabi nya minsan matagal ang interval. Years, tapos biglang merong trigger, he would hit her again. Kinakaladkad pa sya sa hagdan, at inuuntag ang ulo nya sa dingding, kaya one time she passed out. Nagis8ing sya kasi binuhusan sya ng tubig sa mukha. Aba kung ganyan ka grabe eh isang beses lang dapat yun mangyari, don’t wait for the second round. Leave right away. Ibig sabihin may toyo ang asawa mo, hindi matino ang pag-iisip. Hindi na yun makukuha sa therapy. Stay away from him as far away as possible.


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2 thoughts on “Men are different

  1. Hi Angel. I think they probably grew up seeing someone do it, or I don’t know how some men grow up to be like that. Sad.

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