October 7, 2021
As I get older my absorption of stress is becoming worse. And when I get angry, it’s not anger but rage. I blew my top very easily and when I do it’s not inis anymore. I feel outraged that I want to throw away things. I want to pick up glasses and throw them against the door or the wall. I want to scream, yell, and just let it out.
It was a busy day. I was swarmed with stress. I experienced highs and lows. My bad mood started today when my dear husband went out of our room and didn’t close the door. He let the door wide open. I really hate that because maids think they could come in and start cleaning the room. And when I am still in the room, I don’t want them to enter. But when the door is wide open, they get that as a sign to come in and start cleaning. Nagugulat na lang ako nadyan na sila ss loob, minsan sa loob ng banyo.
I got mad at Edmund and told him he always leaves the door wide open.
Since I am already in a bad mood, I began to notice everything that I didn’t like around me. He has a very bad habit of leaving the lights in his bathroom on. Whether it’s nighttime or daytime. As soon as he enters his bathroom he switches all the lights on and never bothers to switch them off. Every single day. Repeat, every single day and several times a day. I don’t like doing that kasi sayang ang kuryente, meron global warming. We are contributing to global warming.
The Kapitan ng Barangay in Tagaytay messaged me asking if he could call me. He reported about Elena, the illegal settler who refused to leave my property. Nabwisit na naman ako.
Then a report came from a Kapitan ng Barangay in Binangonan Rizal, another person, who without my permission put up a bahay kubo, bamboo fence, and planted a garden on a small parcel of land my siblings and I inherited from our parents. It’s been a few weeks ago that they’ve been asked to leave aba nadun pa pala. I was so mad beyond relief. My body was shaking and I was furious. I didn’t want to talk to them directly but this time bwisit na talaga ako. I got their daughter-in-law’s telephone number yelled and yelled at her. Poor girl. She didn’t have anything to do with this illegal squatting but her parents-in-law. I said something like huling tawag ko na ito ayoko ng tatawag pa uli para sabihin na umalis na sila. Hindi ako masamang tao pero …… I was really so angry.
Then I spoke naman to a lawyer from Atty. Fortun’s law firm. I like this young lawyer. Only 30 years old but very sharp, competent, and efficient. When you have a lawyer, they must respond to your call or text or email the soonest possible time. And he does that. He returns my calls as soon as possible. Minsan it’s delayed by an hour when he is attending court hearings but otherwise, he responds. I am asking him to prepare two sets of letters that are property-related again. To make it easier for him, I emailed to him the drafts for his reference.
Then I had to send two emails, etc. I got exhausted. I am no longer used to a ratsada kind of thing. Actually what made me tired was the anger I felt.
I went inside my bathroom, grabbed a dirty daster and a towel, and sprawled them on a corner and I sat there for a few minutes. It’s one of those moments, ma drama kasi talaga ako. There are other things pa that make me ma drama.
Until the day I die, there are still some things that will bother my mind.
I just stayed in my bathroom, locked the door, and sat there quietly. Sometimes we all need a few moments of solitude to recoup our energy, re-center our balance, and let our souls breathe.
