I have been noticing lately that video coverage of the wake, burial and funeral of loved ones are becoming standard nowadays. I don’t exactly know when this kaugalian started out but when my parents passed away, the idea of video recording or cam-cording never crossed our minds. Same when my Kuya Ben died. I didn’t notice my sister in law or Kuya Ben’s children taking his photos while inside the kabaong, or during his burial.
When Edmund and I went to Ka Lydia Maycacayan’s wake almost two weeks ago, there were two guys recording every bit of movement, yung isa meron pang hawak na napaka liwanag na ilaw. Kita bumbunan ni Edmund, Tila pati kaluluwa ko masisilaw sa liwanag.
I find nothing wrong with this practice except that I prefer walang ilaw. Video cameras nowadays are so advanced, they can capture clear images under normal or natural lighting.
I also very well understand the rationale behind videotaping the burol at libing. This is good especially if the children or relatives of the dead couldn’t be present during the interment. Halimbawa they’re abroad. So yung photos and DVD could be sent to them so that they would be able to watch and see what transpired during those moments of grief.
But personally, I do not find it helpful. When you lose someone, you are in grief, and would need time to recover from your loss and terrible pain. You wouldn’t want to spend your days crying. But when you watch the video of your loved one with eyes closed inside the kabaong, with you standing by his side and wearing dark sunglasses because your eyes were so puffy from crying, and watching yourself at the funeral not crying but wailing and screaming and wiping your sipon tapos hinimatay pa, you wouldn’t enjoy watching that. It’s not good. Watching the DVD of the patay would only make you relive the pain and agony of losing this someone again and again.
Of course it’s different if you’re not that sad, your focus while watching the DVD would be— “ah si ano pala nakipag-libing, si Ka Gloria pala ay buhay pa oh ang haba ng buhay ano?, ay si Myrna oh, classmate ko yan nung high school buti naman at nakiramay, pero ang taba na nya ano?, Si Ka Ilyong oh ang payat parang may TB buhay pa pala yan?” Si Perling, dati ang ganda nyan muse namin, ay anong nangyari bakit mukhang tirik na ang mata at hungkag ang pisngi?”
A relative of Edmund’s acquaintance unexpectedly passed away about 2 years ago. She just came back from a one month vacation in the US, she had an executive check-up at Medical City and everything was well. In a few days she started coughing, her lungs collapsed and in 3 days she was dead. Some form of virus daw. I think she was only 55.
She’s well loved by her siblings, nieces and nephews. She’s extremely generous to them, added to the fact that she’s very wealthy, single with no kid.
Edmund brought me along to the 40th day celebration. I didn’t expect to see so many people and too much food. It looked and felt more like a wedding or a silver wedding anniversary. It was very festive at ang sarap ng lechon. Edmund sat with his male friends and I was left to sit with the wives. The wives topics were all about Hermes, Louis Vuitton and Balenciaga.
During the buffet dinner, while I was eating, they were showing the video of the wake and burial. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Walang sound pero nakita ko yung may humahagulgol at umiiyak. Yung mga parang gusto ring sumama sa hukay. The camera also focused the kabaong and its tenant, pati close-up nung face nung patay. I am telling you, it was not a good appetizer while I was enjoying my dinner. Buti na lang I was really so takaw, it did not deter me from enjoying my meal. I just did not look at the screen again. I just totally ignored the Audio Visual Presentation. What’s the purpose of showing that? Para dun sa mga hindi naka punta sa libing, at least mapanood nila?
There was a long table in front that was full of brand-new items- shoes, bags, make-up, socks, shirts, and a lot of knick-knacks. The relatives said that the lady had 50 balikbayan boxes of personal and gift items in their bodega. Remember, she just came back from a one month holiday in the US and note also that she’s very wealthy kaya shopping galore sya. The stuff displayed on the long table came from some of those balikbayan boxes and would be raffled-off. Tuwang-tuwa yung mga relatives nila and even kidding na baka daw the Hermes bags would also be given away.
Pag merong raffle sa parties we always secretly wish that we win, mahilig tayo sa libre. but for some reason not this time. So ang prayers ko baligtad “Naku Lord, ayaw kong manalo, wag sana mabunot ang name ko”. My seatmate Mila won a very nice shawl or bandana. While holding it, she said “baka pagnatutulog na kami baka biglang gumalaw-galaw ito”. Buti na lang hindi talaga ako swerte sa raffle, lahat yata dun natawag na, ako lang ang hindi.
AFter the raffle, they distributed thank you cards with the big photo of the dead lady. I purposely did not keep it in my bag. I discreetly left it on the table. There’s no purpose as to why I would keep it, we were complete strangers. She did not have to thank me for being there. She could thank my husband for dragging me there.
When the guests started leaving, the relatives started distributing a DVD. “OH no, not me, this is not good”. I hurriedly stood up and looked at my husband to signal that we’re leaving. When my feet were already at the door, someone chased me and handed me a copy of the DVD as souvenir or remembrance. Syempre wala akong choice kundi tanggapin. Pero nung tumalikod sya, I went back to our table and I left it there.
With all due respect to the dead and her relatives, nakikiramay po kami pero giving me a copy of the same DVD that they showed while I was eating was just too much for me to bear. E marami na nga akong drama sa buhay at iiyak-iyak na nga ako minsan, papanoorin ko pa yun. Ano para parusahan ang sarili ko?
People of the Philippines————“Bakit namumugto ang mata mo?”
Me——— “Kasi I cried nakakaiyak yung video”
People of the Philippines————-” Anong title ng sine? Walang Hanggan? Tanging ina mo?
Me———————————–” Hinde, DVD sa Patay”
People of the Philippines———— “Haaa? Sino?
Me———————————– “hindi ko kilala, basta it’s sad”.
People of the Philippines———— Hello Mandaluyong, paki pick-up nga dito ang pasyente nyo…..
I agree with this!