Feeling Lonely

My sister and my brother in law exert every effort to make my life as comfortable here.  They cook, buy food, drive for me.  They record the two teleserye shows on ABS CBN for my viewing pleasure para malibang ako.  They bring me to wherever I want to go.   Flea markets, antique shops,  car dealerships,  I just say it and they drop everything and anything they’re doing for me.

Window shopping

We also went to Best Buy.

Bong’s friend Joevel bought an Ipad Air. Kami naman ni Aileen nag-usyoso ng Iphone 6. Daming tao, mahirip sumingit.

My sister cleans my room,  provides me towels and all conveniences, except that she has neither a Minda nor an Antonia here.  She does my laundry.  Tomorrow she will accompany me to Union Square in San Francisco across San Mateo Bridge.

My Philippines, Inc.’s colleague, Raymond Garcia and his wife are back in San  Francisco and he’s inviting me to have dimsum tomorrow noon in a restaurant called Koi Palace in Daly City.  I can’t drive yet so I would be taking the BART to Millbrae station where he would pick me up.  He promised to drop me off in Union Square after our lunch.  I am a little worried now because it would be a long walk around BART stations.  There are steep stairs and some don’t have escalators.  My tummy is still aching and I don’t know how much time I have to allot to be able to walk slow and reach our meeting place at 11:15 am.  Maybe I should leave at 9 am.

I am beginning to feel lonely.   I also woke up this morning feeling very upset.  I am just trying to control my tears.  Masakit pati tyan ko.  Masakit pa rin.

My surgeon, Dr. Olsen, phoned two days ago and left a message.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to answer his phone call.  I’ve been trying to return his call ever since and hindi ko na sya mahanap,  all recording na lang.   I want to ask him why my tummy is still painful.  He might have taken out the wrong organ.  Oh no, I hope not or I’ll go crazy.

I’ve been having nightmares practically every night.  Twice I woke up screaming, talking in my sleep,  maybe that’s the effect of the general anesthesia.   Last night was a lot better.  I dreamed of Edmund who arrived daw from somewhere.  He was beside me and making me comfortable, making akbay me.  But in that dream,  he told me our neighbor has a crush on him daw.  She tells her golf mates how good Edmund is in golf.  She’s his fan.  I am not quite sure if our neighbor plays golf in real life.  Parang hindi, ang alam ko lang,  she’s 60+ and still single.

I am beginning to feel restless.  I want to keep on moving and  going out but I can’t yet.

Bong bought a mini Cooper a few months ago and that’s what he brings to work.   However,  I have no desire to either drive or ride in it,  ayaw ko tiny cars, nahihilo ako.  Aileen brings the MKX Navigator, a mid size SUV.  The only one left here is the full size Navigator,  same size as the Ford Expedition.  During normal times,  I could swing it even with its heavy doors.  But with my condition now,  I can’t.  Mabibinat ako because the doors are really heavy.

I want to go back na to my healthy days.  I want to do things I want to do, on my own, without relying on anyone.

I am also thinking about the things I am supposed to do in Manila.  Ang alam ko  I have several appointments in October.  I left my appointment book at home in our study room.  I need someone to open it and check out the list of appointments so I could notify those individuals that I would be missing in action.  Maybe I’d call Antonia.