GOODBYE 'pa

We  prepared for my father’s 80th birthday celebration.   It would be his last because his days were numbered.  Doctors gave him 6 months to live,  and this was his 12th month.

Aileen had sent out invitation cards all over the US.  We traced that my father had a cousin who’s a doctor of medicine living somewhere in the East Coast.  We also mailed him an invite.

Since I lived in Manila,  Aileen was the punong-abala.  She took care of all the preparations.  Party would be at my parents house which Aileen and her family also shared.

We were scheduled to fly to SFO on May 9 but my husband requested if we could move it because there were many things he had to attend to.  I re-scheduled our flight to May 12.  That afternoon,  I still went to my office in Tektite Towers.  About 2 pm,  my husband called,  he said “Tart,  ang Papa,  (pause)   tumawag si Bong,(pause)   wala na daw”.  Then I started crying in disbelief.  No actually,  I wailed.  Baka hindi pa,  baka magising pa sya.

How can someone die.  How can Papa die.  No,  he cannot not  die yet.  We are  leaving in a few hours,  I will see him.  We will be there.

I never stopped crying after that moment.  The flight attendant noticed me and I just cried in the plane whole 12 or 14 hours.

I was weeping.   My husband was irritated already when we were in the plane.  He asked me to stop.  I just couldn’t.  It was not a job, a show, a chore.  My tears just flowed and wouldn’t stop.  Mugtong-mugto ang mga mata ko pagharap ko sa immigration.  Buti na lang wala pang picture nun.

I felt so bad,  that he died na hindi man lang ako nakapag-mano.  I knew he was dying.  My intention was to stay longer in America and help my sister care for him on his last days.  Pero hindi umabot.  And that made me depress.  It was further aggravated by my posptoning my flight.  Had I not,  then inabot ko pa siyang buhay.  At least naka pag thank you sana ako sa lahat ng mga sakripisyo nya sa akin,  sa pagiging napaka-responsable nyang ama, sa pagpapa- aral nya sa akin,  sa kabaitaan nya,  at sa mga pasensya nya sa lahat lahat ng mga pagkukulang ko bilang anak.

Mano po,    ‘pa.