Last week, I received a message from a relative saying that her husband had died in May of this year and she’s been depressed ever since. She told me that she’s been crying everyday. Nahirapan daw sya maka move-on.
It’s just been 3 months, I am sure her tears would flow less frequently as months pass. She’ll be alright. She should not hurry.
When someone very dear to us leaves us or dies, we would naturally feel emptiness, extreme loneliness, sadness and buckets of tears would definitely flow for many days and nights, days, weeks, months, even years depending on our relationship with that person. I think when something like this happens, we should allow ourselves time to grieve, time to think of our loved ones, time to understand that the sadness we are feeling is normal. There’s no hurry to “move on”.
I have been hearing this “move-on” thing quite often. During my younger years, I never heard of that term. Nowadays, when a relationship breaks-up, or namatay ang asawa, and a new person comes along, “ay ang bilis nya naka move-on”.
Habang naka burol ang Kuya Ben ko, a woman came and ask my sister in law “Elsie, mag-aasawa ka ba uli?” I was shocked with that woman’s senseless, thoughtless, inconsideration & disrespect.
My papa passed away 13 years ago, my mama 10 years ago, my Kuya Ben, 5 years ago. But until now, I still often dream of them, and I look forward to seeing them in my dreams. I still think of them, I still miss them, I still wish sana they’re still around. And as sure as the morning sun, I still cry when I long for them. And right at this very moment, my tears are flowing, and I am now close to weeping. I don’t wish to “move-on”. I don’t expect to forget them, I don’t want to forget them, I want to keep them forever in my thoughts and in my heart. Because I love them so dearly.
As someone who works in the aging and long-term care industry, I can definitely appreciate your candor and opinion. I’ve experienced my fair share of death of relatives, friends, residents in my skilled nursing facility, and my dog. There really is no such thing as “moving on”…only a gradual acceptance of the reality of the situation and an appreciation of the impact that individual had in our own life. I still think frequently and fondly of people I have lost who are dear to me, but I am comforted by the fact that they led full lives. Perhaps if people understood that we are all connected by our common experiences of death, there would be little more respect, camaraderie, and compassion in our world.
Thank you Steve for regularly reading omb.
I really enjoy your blog!
thank you for this marvellous post.