The Bridesmaid

I got married without any plans of having babies because I was scared to have children.  I wasn’t sure how I would fare as a mother.  I knew how to physically take care of toddlers because I nannied for my nephews Junjun, Doick, and Ronnel,  my eldest brother’s first three boys born in the Philippines.  I knew how to change diapers, not the disposable ones but the lampin made of manipis na katsa or cotton.  I knew how to mix their milk formula, how to feed them, how to calm them down when they were crying, how to lull them to sleep.   I didn’t have any participation in rearing them up to become fine gentlemen because soon after they all emigrated to Chicago after my brother found a job as a resident physician (doctor) in one of the big hospitals in the city.  But having my own kids meant that I was the one tasked to mold them into becoming the best individuals they could possibly be.  And I was not capable of being that kind of super mom.  Since I grew up believing that all my mother did was to scold me, (which I realized was not true when I became much older)  because in her standards I was pasaway,  I was afraid that when it was my turn to be a mother myself, I would do the same thing.  That I would just end up yelling at my kids and not knowing how to become their best friend because all I cared about was how to clothe, feed, and send them to school.

Of course, I wanted to have my own children but it didn’t dawn on me that babies were made in heaven and gifts from God.   Having them was not a birthright.  That just because I had ovaries and married,  automatically entitled me to have at least one baby, or two, three or as many as I wanted.  Nope.  Parents were pre-approved, babies sealed and delivered from above.  They are actually real angels disguised to be the love of every mother’s life.  The apple of her eyes no matter how old she is,  be it 3 days old, 3 months, 3 years, 30 or 33.

I didn’t require my bridesmaid to wear a gown. She was also extremely busy and didn’t have time to have a special dress made. I didn’t want to impose anything so I just let her wear whatever she wanted. This is an old dress of hers she probably had worn once or twice in the past. It looks simple but pretty nonetheless.

Bridesmaid