I have a serious bout of insomnia. I can’t sleep. I sleep every other day.
Like now, it’s 3 am and I am still wide awake. I take an eighth of a Bonamine tablet to make me slightly drowsy hoping in a few hours I will feel sleepy.
My sleeping pattern has been like this for three months already. I don’t know why. Many times my eyes are still wide open at 7 am.
This afternoon, while we were at a small park, I realized why I am like this lately. I think I am having another bout of depression. I am depressed! I know this is not inspiring but yes indeed, I realized today that I am depressed. All this time kaya pala I am irritable, melancholic, impatient, anxious, hypersensitive, lacking sleep, konting bagay lang may tears start to fall, kaya pala.
My husband asked me two nights ago what’s troubling me, what’s giving me stress kasi nga I haven’t been sleeping.
I worry about my son’s health and safety. He goes out almost daily and drives to faraway cities and this makes me lose sleep too. The corochin virus is still very much alive and I am praying for his protection.
I also worry about catching the virus. I am sitting here and waiting to be vaccinated. Soon, Oyen and Edmund are going back to Manila and the situation in there agonizes me too. I can’t imagine the logistics. Oyen rides the car that’s been thoroughly sanitized. Her driver wanders around while he waits for her. He could catch the virus and exposes every person in our household. When he goes home to his family he could pick up the virus somewhere.
Ford Edsa is another. In this corner, all of us are affected. It hasn’t reopened yet and there are things that need urgent attention. I hope and pray that we are able to reopen on Wednesday, May 27 which coincidentally falls on my birthday. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, to me. to me to me!
I have other concerns too aside from the first three. Now that I have realized that my physical, and mental being are impacted by stress, I will exert more effort to manage stress and cope with depression. I will try to deviate my attention, think of happy thoughts, do things that I like, or indulge in things or activities that will make me happy. I will try.