I am undergoing some personal life assessment. My own life specifically. It’s a battle between contentment and the guilty feeling of not having done enough for my own life’s advancement. But what is the meaning of ENOUGH? How is it measured?
When I was young, I thought, I was ambitious. Then looking back, I was not, I am not. I am in fact a very simple person with simple ideas and simple talents, thrown into the world of competition, and forced to paddle to create something for my self, for my life.

Success is relative although the number one barometer is the amount of wealth you’ve generated, the number of accolades you’ve collected along the way.

I look around me and see a lot of people my age, some are younger, some are much older, and still in the running for more wealth and more trophies. And how about me? I’ve been asking myself that question in the past 5 days. I don’t know what triggered this assessment period but these thoughts throw me into a state of mild melancholy. which is not good. I looked at my bank account and found fewer zeroes than I could hope for. which is not good either.

And maybe the trigger is my age. I am getting older faster than I want to. And I am counting the things that I could do within the short time frame nature is giving me. Will I live till I am 70? 80? 85? or 90? What projects can I still start or do in the next ten years?

I don’t see retirement in sight.

I got one of my unused notebooks and did some planning. Yes, there are still things I can do to be productive. However, my nature is not to pursue wealth. I want to do things that will be able to help others, not to give them money because I don’t have a lot, but little things that I can do to make a difference in their lives or in the community, or on earth. I am simply overwhelmed and in panic. I want to spend the rest of my life doing something good, something better, something worthwhile, just something….

Whatever the next steps I choose to take in the near future, it will only come into fruition with the guidance and blessings of my creator.
life assessment

I come here for peace and solitude, and to commune with God.
place to find peace

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9 thoughts on “Life Assessment”

  2. I will be forever thankful, to be one of the former employee. What I have learned and experience, still functioning well in my choosen field. And will carry for the rest of my life. And I still feel blessed to be able to work with you.

  4. I think it’s a normal phase our generation goes through Annie , I mean this melancholy , health/family , time to retire overthinking . We can always do good things to our neighbor while we go through our daily lives and activities . It does not have to be big . R&R when it’s time If retirement is not an option yet . Retirement that’s another topic lol especially here in the US when children needs baby sitter .

  5. Kinakapatid Annie C. Tan-Yee, you are going through the “Generativity vs Stagnation” stage according to Erikson’s psychosocial development theory. At this stage we evaluate what we have done so far. Did we create positive change to benefit other people? Success leads to feeling of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in regret, bitterness and despair. I have an excellent poem to share with you by professional guitarist, Christopher Parkening.

  6. Success vs. Excellence by Christopher Parkening

    I suggest that you pursue a commitment to personal excellence rather than success, based on your own God-given potential. Success and excellence are often competing ideals. Being successful does not necessarily mean you will be excellent, and being excellent does not necessarily mean you will be successful. Success is attaining or achieving cultural goals, which elevates one’s importance in the society in which he lives. Excellence is the pursuit of quality in one’s work and effort, whether the culture recognizes it or not. I once asked Segovia how many hours a day he practiced. He responded, “Christopher, I practice 2 ½ hours in the morning and 2 ½ hours every afternoon.” I thought to myself, “If Segovia needs to practice five hours every day, how much more do I need to practice?”
    Success seeks status, power, prestige, wealth, and privilege. Excellence is internal—seeking satisfaction in having done your best. Success is external—how you have done in comparison to others. Excellence is how you have done in relation to your own potential. For me, success seeks to please men, but excellence seeks to please God.
    Success grants its rewards to a few, but is the dream of the multitudes. Excellence is available to all, but is accepted only by a few. Success engenders a fantasy and a compulsive groping for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Excellence brings us down to a reality with a deep gratitude for the promise of joy when we do our best. Excellence cultivates principles, character, and integrity. Success may be cheap, and you can take shortcuts to get there. You will pay the full price for excellence; it is never discounted. Excellence will always cost you everything, but it is the most lasting and rewarding ideal. What drives you—success or excellence?

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